Slightly past 6 on Friday night, I erupt like a volcano.

The seventh potty accident of the day is nestled smelly in the bottom of a her swimsuit.  One of the girls had been yelling no at me all day.  The baby had refused to nurse his dinner. And Derek and I… well, we’re just not in a good place right now (selfishness, I admit it).

Oh, but the chaos there it’s not the problem.  It’s just the symptom.  The symptom of my own heart problems.

And growth springs only from chaos, from loosing control so that we can acknowledge the One who truly is in control.

I remember it while Sedryn is in the kitchen pulling open drawers while the girls beg lunch to be made faster.

I remember how Bronwyn was scared of the river current.  She stood at the edge of the current wanting the fun that Aeralind was having.  She even sat down a few times.  Always far from the current.

Aeralind threw herself in with abandon.  Careening toward the waiting arms of our friend Abel.  Squealing and kicking joyfully while the current carried her.

But Bronwyn wouldn’t throw herself to the current.  She wanted the fun.  But she wanted control of the situation more.  Daddy stood with her as she eased herself once again to the currents edge.  He created just a little chaos with a tiny push toward the current.  Bronwyn scared and off balance falls right into the current. She looses control.  Abel helps her out and the next thing we all know she’d jumped right back in to swim the current again.  A giant smile on her face.

I have goosebumps now recounting the memory.  Oh, to throw myself to the current of God’s mercy and grace and swim wherever He leads.  Knowing that when I am weak, He will strongly carry me forward if I just lean back into the current.

Thankfulness 3395-3409

• Cold hands on my toes as I cook dinner
• Boy tickled with himself over making noise
• Girls sliding into a bubble pool
• Spontaneous decision to head out to see Jenn and Abel on the 4th
• All the grown-ups surprised when the 2 year olds put the correct color coded pieces on the puzzle pegs
• Bronwyn throwing a tantrum because she cannot draw an A or B
• Feeding Sedryn Gelato
• Quiet time to pour out my heart with Jenn
• Watching the girls cautiously approach the river
• Bronwyn exercising her potty-ing in the woods skill
• Usually fearful Aeralind throwing herself in the river current after Abel showed her how
• Brownyn cautiously approaching the current over the course of 20 minutes and then daddy giving her the gentle nudge to get her started
• How she jumped right back in
• Able’s hair
• Long holiday recovery naps from all three kiddos