Jul

03

2013

Showing Unconditional Love {Construction School for Wives}

Construction School / Marriage  Posted by / 0 comments

Hey there fellow wives! My name is Sarah. 

I’m 28 years old, mother to two little ones (Emma is 7 and the other one is still in utero) and wife to my hunk of burnin’ love, Lee! 

 

 

I’ll start my topic with a story. I’m good with those.
A few days ago I sent my dear friend Melissa an email stating this:
“Hey I haven’t formed much thought past lay still and don’t vomit. Having a rough time starting my blog post for wives.”
Her, as always, kind response (I’m laughing because we both struggle with kindly responding to many things sometimes hahaha) was this:
 
“You’ve got a whole other 2 weeks minus two days. I think you can manage. Use a pen and paper and just write here and there… How can you love Lee unconditionally while worshiping the porcelain god?… Pray and see what comes. I really think you’ll be able to do this… and I really think this is a good time/topic for you: even though it feels hard…. I’ll be happy to take it as late as Tuesday. And I know you’re the straight A super lady who held down a job/internship/school. This is easy stuff in that way… but hard stuff in the heart arena. You need hard stuff in the heart arena. It keeps us on our knees… Hang in there. I’m praying for you.“
The words “You need hart stuff in the heart arena. It keeps us on our knees (and not just worshiping the porcelain god). Hang in there. I’m praying for you.” resonated in my heart only to be smothered by nausea and the desire to sit and not move so I wouldn’t vomit. I made it to the kitchen to grab a little bit of juice, get Emma on her next task for the morning, and sit in the family room/dining room/whatever you want to call it.
 
Then, in walks my sweet husband. The reason why my heart still gets butterflies and often the reason why I smile through my tears (because he’s absolutely and ridiculously wonderful). He’s also often the reason why my patience is tested in the morning and why I’m often late to things. No one’s perfect. We try to go with the flow. However, sometimes going with the flow isn’t always that easy.
 
So, there I was, not wanting to move and I hear Lee ask “Would you like to do your amazing and loving husband a huge favor?”

I literally cringed and not so lovingly gave a very sarcastic “Sure.”

He bravely responds, “Can you iron my clothes?” (He was running late again)

 What my heart didn’t do in this moment was say YES! A chance to respond in unconditional love like the Lord has been teaching me! It did this:

 “Yes.” (It was not a polite yes)

Lee gives a sound of frustration and walks off.

And I respond with another win!

“You should’ve woken up on time! Don’t make me feel bad because you’re running late.”

Yep. I cringe again. But this time, at myself. Ugh! That was NOT how that was supposed to go! I knew I blew it.

However, I felt the Lord draw near as He so very often does when I screw up because He’s pretty amazing at encouraging us when we don’t get it right. Why? Because His love is (say it with me now) UNCONDITIONAL. 

 So, I get determined to do the best freakin’ ironing job I’ve ever done!!! Because when we mess up our first instinct is to DO better right? We tend to focus a LOT on doing as wives and mothers. 

Then I hear, “Can I have a glass of water?”

I look at Emma and her big blue eyes and literally almost respond with: does it look like I can get you a glass of water while I’m trying to iron? However, I’ve had a little more time being her Mom than being Lee’s wife so I’m a tad bit more used to swallowing my pride and responding with kindness.

I’m able to muster a very controlled response of “Mommy is busy and will get you water as soon as she can.”

Thank the Lord Emma responded with, “Okay.” And walks off to create more chaos with my Mom’s sweet pup that we were watching that week.

I then get back to ironing (and yes this story does have a point). When Lee comes in to get his clothes I, without making eye contact (because I’m thoroughly embarrassed at how I handled the situation), kindly apologize to him and he apologizes to me. We then look at each other at different moments and stifle a laugh because we both know we both messed up that morning and smile because we still love each other very much. 

 It’s truly moments like that, that make my heart beat harder for him. 

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Unconditional love.

That is my topic.

 It doesn’t come easy to me. Life has been hard for me since the age of three and I’ve been through a lot. In a quick nut shell, living through childhood abuse and realizing later in life that your parents desperately tried to hold you together while you fell apart during recovery is how I learned my first lesson in unconditional love. My parents, quite simply, love me. A lot! Recovering as a single parent after my heart was almost irrecoverably broken during my first marriage from Emma’s father un-repentantly committing adultery is how I learned another lesson in unconditional love. When someone throws us away, tells us and shows us we’re nothing, we are ALWAYS the bride of Christ and we are ALWAYS lavishly adored by our Savior. (<— Click to Tweet) His love is always unconditional.

Let me say that again because this is key to everything.

His love. is ALWAYS. unconditional. He is a loving father to His children, and those truths hold my core together.

Unconditional love.

How do we show this in a marriage?

Let’s get personal. How do I show this in my marriage?

I show it only when I’m gazing up at my Father, knowing I’m a sinner saved by HIS grace ALONE and am filled by HIS love which pours out as love to my husband.

I am not perfect. You are not perfect. Let’s get very excited to hear that no wife is perfect. If a wife is aiming to be perfect……they’ve failed. You’ve lost your focus on Christ and re-centered it on self performance.

Rejoice!

Yes, your failure is good news because it means you need a Savior and if you have a relationship with Jesus then you have a Savior. THAT’S EXCITING NEWS!!!! YOU HAAAAAAAAAVE AAAAAAAAAA SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVIOR!!!!! YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT!!!!! YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT HIS PERFECT LOVE FOR YOU!!!

 You and I have to look at Jesus and let the truth of HIS love sink into your very broken and often recovering soul and rejoice.

Sounds easy. It’s not. Because like my morning in the story, we all have mornings where we don’t show unconditional love. Because yes, we do want it to be all about ourselves. Because we’re imperfect. Because we’re sinners. Because we need a Savior.

 But rejoice.

Because there is One.