Sep
13
2011There are two words that strike fear into the hearts of twin mom’s everywhere. Mom’s of singles don’t even flinch at these words. In fact, I’ve often heard them say “It was so easy!” Right….
Honestly, I’m scared to type them for fear of running of my fellow twin mom followers :-p
But I’ll do it… only because I know you’ll need me to an example for you.
Hold your breath… here I go:
Toddler Beds. (or big kid beds of any kind).
Sweet mom’s of singles, I’ve heard your stories of how your
“toddler didn’t even know they could climb out.”
“Didn’t phase them at all.”
“Had a couple rough nights and naps, but after that she/he understood that bedtime was bedtime.”
Oh, but I’ve never heard anything like that from a twin mom. No, my twin mom friends who are ahead of me said stuff like:
“Toddler beds are worse than potty training!!!”
“I’ve had to sit in there for 3 hours not talking to them and just putting them back in bed.”
“We took everything out of their room except their beds, and reversed the door knob to lock them in. It still takes them 2 hours to fall asleep.”
“Melissa, do everything you can to avoid that transition. Buy crib tents. Duct tape their legs together. Wait until they’re four!”
No, lie… I’ve heard all of that.
So a long time ago, I resolved that my girls would be in their cribs until they were three and longer if they were content.
Almost three weeks ago Aeralind learned to climb out.
She wasn’t even two yet! It’s not a fall… it’s a controlled rock climbing excursion that I can hardly even hear from downstairs right below her.
The same day she mastered the art of door knobs.
Crib tents are out of my budget. Bronwyn isn’t climbing out or even close (surprisingly) so why should I put them both in toddler beds? To top it off… Aeralind can’t climb back in once she’s out.
Did I mention I’m expecting a baby in about 6 weeks and there is no way that I’m going to be fighting her to stay in bed for 30+ minutes at nap time, when I’m going to want that nap myself?!
The first night of her new found skills, she threw all of her bedding in her sister’s crib and then ran into the nursery where we had stashed a peck of apples and proceeded to take one bite out of 7 different apples. Daddy caught her (I was out) returning an apple to a squealing Bronwyn.
The next night she received discipline for each climbing out. She didn’t dare climb out at the beginning of naps, but if I waited too long to get her up from a nap she’d climb out and party/torture sleeping sister.
By week two, things were looking good. We thought we had won the war.
We were wrong: we’d just won battle number one. Poor Aeralind comes climbing down the stairs at 9pm one night nearly in tears because she’s so tired and embarrassed and can’t get herself back in bed. The next night she stood outside her door until daddy saw her and mumbled ashamedly “Daddy, ca ca (poop).” He changed her and put her back down.
Bright and early (7am!) on her birthday morning, we hear her door open, and watch as she gleefully pulls the stool out from under our bed and climbs up to join us.
Um,….this is not okay (even if it is so stinking adorable!).
Suddenly, I remembered a conversation with Julia during her visit, that went something like this:
“Brad asked me when were were going to stop putting the girls in sleep sacks and I said ‘Never!’ I don’t want them climbing out of their cribs.” The next moment one of our girls flew by doing something crazy and the conversation ended.
I could make a sleep sack. We could give that a try. Aeralind can’t climb out if she can’t put her leg next to her ear and pull up on it… right?
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| Momma! I can’t believe you’re doing this to me! |
So for her birthday… she got a cute purple straight jacket sleep sack (Bronwyn did too).
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| I guess I’ll just go to sleep. Sigh. |
It looks like the tide of the war might be turning in my favor….
for now.
Sep
12
2011I’ve been a Momma for two years now. I’ve cared for two little newborns who have grown into semi-independent toddlers.
Let me tell you the truth: it never gets easier, it just get different (and sometimes in more bearable ways than others).
Each day is always a direct affront to my selfishness and a quiet invitation to humility when I can’t do it alone.
Each day lasts an eternity in its myriad of little crisis and discoveries, but each month or year passes in a blink.
Each day is filled with opportunities to build up my girls in discipline, in love, in joy or to tear them down with my own frustration, criticism, and ingratitude.
Each day is hard.
But each day is a miracle filled with one thousand gifts.
Aeralind Grace and Bronwyn Hope, thank you for shaping me for His Glory.
Aug
16
2011Going from a couple to a family with two crazy newborns is an incredibly stressful event. Not to mention the chaos that the twins produce only gradually slows down over the course of the first year. I wrote this article for my local Moms of Multiples club and thought it was high time to share it here!
Derek and I by no means have a perfect marriage. There’s always a rough spot, but in the early days (months) I think these 7 things saved our marriage from real trouble. Actually… some of them we need to get back into doing more often! I hope they’ll help you out too.
7 Things you can do to Protect your Marriage
Value your Marriage above your Multiples.
Caring for multiples (or any children) can be all consuming, especially for the wife. The temptation to pour your life into these babies can force your marriage to the back burner. Your babies will be in your home for about 18 years, that’s a short time that we need to utilize. However, your marriage could last beyond those 18 years if you invest as much in it as you invest in your kiddos. And as an added bonus, kids raised in families where the relationship between mom and dad is obviously valued feel more secure.
Caring for multiples (or any children) can be all consuming, especially for the wife. The temptation to pour your life into these babies can force your marriage to the back burner. Your babies will be in your home for about 18 years, that’s a short time that we need to utilize. However, your marriage could last beyond those 18 years if you invest as much in it as you invest in your kiddos. And as an added bonus, kids raised in families where the relationship between mom and dad is obviously valued feel more secure.
Make Date Night (or Morning) a Priority.
In those early months after the multiples arrive, we’re tempted to just go to bed early and neglect everything else. But a marriage is too important to neglect. Date night can be simple and inexpensive. Some examples:
a. While your mom or mother in law visits and sleeps in and the babies are back in bed after an early morning feeding, sneak out to Starbucks or IHOP.
b. Turn off the TV and play a game (cards, Scrabble, Sorry, even Candy Land). You’ll be surprised how great the conversation can be.
c. Snuggle up together on the couch and watch NCIS (or your favorite show).
d. Spend first nap on Saturday morning cooking up 4 large meals (one casserole in the oven, one in the crock pot, one pot of soup, and something for dinner that night). This gives you some time to talk and hang out as well takes care of the age old question “What’s for dinner?” You’ll also have extra energy in the evenings because you can just defrost and heat dinner.
3.
Extend Mercy.
When he makes a comment that gets under your skin, try to look at it from his point of view before letting your feelings get hurt. You’re both exhausted from night feedings and hypersensitive. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Extend Mercy.
When he makes a comment that gets under your skin, try to look at it from his point of view before letting your feelings get hurt. You’re both exhausted from night feedings and hypersensitive. Give each other the benefit of the doubt.
4.
Schedule Sex.
Let’s face it: women aren’t very interested in sex after the babies arrive, at least for a season. It’s so hard to turn around from tired mom who didn’t even get a chance to shower that day to sexy vixen in the bedroom that night. Scheduling sex might not seem romantic, but it’s incredibly freeing for both husband and wife. He knows that he has something to look forward to and might even surprise you by being extra helpful on sex night or throughout the week (does the dishes without being asked so you can get a shower, etc.). You’ll be able to mentally shift from mom to vixen and plan to get that shower at least one day a week. And even if you both fall asleep before you’ve finished, your marriage will benefit. 😉
Schedule Sex.
Let’s face it: women aren’t very interested in sex after the babies arrive, at least for a season. It’s so hard to turn around from tired mom who didn’t even get a chance to shower that day to sexy vixen in the bedroom that night. Scheduling sex might not seem romantic, but it’s incredibly freeing for both husband and wife. He knows that he has something to look forward to and might even surprise you by being extra helpful on sex night or throughout the week (does the dishes without being asked so you can get a shower, etc.). You’ll be able to mentally shift from mom to vixen and plan to get that shower at least one day a week. And even if you both fall asleep before you’ve finished, your marriage will benefit. 😉
5.
Don’t be a control freak.
You’ve been bathing the kiddos the same way for 3 months and hubby walks in to relieve you from the chore. He forgets to wash behind their ears, puts them in a daytime diaper instead of the nighttime variety, and accidently puts your boy in his twin sisters’ PJs. Or he tidies up the play room and you can’t find anything for days. As mom’s we’re tempted to think that our way is best. We try to train our husbands to do what we do exactly the way we do it. And every time we say, “Honey, haven’t I told you before that you need to…” He feels disrespected. He feels like you don’t appreciate what he’s trying to do. Give dad the freedom to develop his own way of doing things and thank him for doing it. I promise he’ll help out more and you’ll be less stressed out.
Don’t be a control freak.
You’ve been bathing the kiddos the same way for 3 months and hubby walks in to relieve you from the chore. He forgets to wash behind their ears, puts them in a daytime diaper instead of the nighttime variety, and accidently puts your boy in his twin sisters’ PJs. Or he tidies up the play room and you can’t find anything for days. As mom’s we’re tempted to think that our way is best. We try to train our husbands to do what we do exactly the way we do it. And every time we say, “Honey, haven’t I told you before that you need to…” He feels disrespected. He feels like you don’t appreciate what he’s trying to do. Give dad the freedom to develop his own way of doing things and thank him for doing it. I promise he’ll help out more and you’ll be less stressed out.
6.
Touch one another each day.
Hug each other. Kiss good-bye. Snuggle in bed. Touch is so powerful: you know this from picking up the baby that instantly stops screaming. It’s the same with spouses. Loving touch changes perspective.
Touch one another each day.
Hug each other. Kiss good-bye. Snuggle in bed. Touch is so powerful: you know this from picking up the baby that instantly stops screaming. It’s the same with spouses. Loving touch changes perspective.
7.
Say Thank You.
Gratitude is powerful. When your husband gets up and does a night feeding without you, when he takes out the garbage before you ask, when he goes to work at a job he hates everyday to support you, when he calls you beautiful even with your crazy postpartum body, simply say thank you. Gratitude not only encourages and affirms your spouse, but it also changes your own perspective. It’s impossible to feel anger or fear at the same time as expressing gratitude. So when he drowns your Cactus Garden, say “Thank you for noticing my plants needed watering.” Your anger level will reduce. After all most of what we fight over is just stuff, it’s not that important. But bolstering your husbands’ heart is that important.
Say Thank You.
Gratitude is powerful. When your husband gets up and does a night feeding without you, when he takes out the garbage before you ask, when he goes to work at a job he hates everyday to support you, when he calls you beautiful even with your crazy postpartum body, simply say thank you. Gratitude not only encourages and affirms your spouse, but it also changes your own perspective. It’s impossible to feel anger or fear at the same time as expressing gratitude. So when he drowns your Cactus Garden, say “Thank you for noticing my plants needed watering.” Your anger level will reduce. After all most of what we fight over is just stuff, it’s not that important. But bolstering your husbands’ heart is that important.
Jul
30
2011
The months are tumbling by in rush, but each day with you two lingers on. Each moment containing an eternity of memories.
In six weeks, you will have wiggled upon this earth for 2 years.
For 2 years, you have been shaping me,
training me,
teaching me to love,
teaching me what it means to be a mother.
I’m pretty hard headed most of the time… so I appreciate your patience in undertaking that task. I appreciate your blossoming spirits teaching my own to continue to grow.
Aeralind Grace
My sweet girl, each day it becomes more apparent that God gave you a servant’s heart. I (or daddy) have taught you to sweep (sort of), mop up a mess with a rag, clean up after you eat, feed your sister when she’s being slow to eat, throw trash away, and even to kill the harmless ants I can’t seem to conquer in our kitchen. Not only do you take great joy and pride in doing these tasks (sometimes yelling “Yay!” and clapping when complete), but often times you initiate these tasks without my prompting. I can only imagine where that heart will lead you.
The one image of you that I hope to freeze in my mind is your handing me something and with great joy saying “Tank oo!” You picked that up since I say thank you when you hand me something… but you seem to have the order a bit mixed up. I’m not correcting you though. I often times relish hearing those little words.
Bronwyn Hope
You have made it very apparent this month that you are a very strong willed girl. You have challenged authority, you have whined for up to 5 hours at night (either because you just wanted to be up or because of some residual attachment to your now gone pacifier), and you have thrown a million temper tantrums. I want you to know that I love your strong will. Yes, it’s difficult. Yes, it’s hard for me to manage sometimes, but you are growing your momma. You are teaching her how to love you best.
One the things I’ve noticed the most is that you demand structure. Part of that is in your strong willed nature (Will I get away with this? Where are my boundaries?), but part of it is your love for figuring things out. You have memorized every single snack box in the cabinet and will yell out what I’m getting or what you want: “daker!” “Pune!” You will inform me of when and where I need to put something away. You have no problem telling your sister of a boundary that she is crossing that you know is wrong… and wrestling her to the ground to get your “no” across (we’ll work on finesse a little later :-p). Structure is your friend and it’s what you desire most.
The one image I want to hold in my mind is of you reaching up your little hand to walk with me up the stairs or in a parking lot. Browyn, as much as you fight to establish boundaries, I can see that in your heart you’re really just asking to be led patiently and gently. I’ll hold your hand and lead as best as I can by the grace of God.
Jul
19
2011Check the Hair (if it’s up)
Hiding under Bronwyn’s shaggy mop is this cute little face with a mane of adorable wisps. Bronwyn isn’t a fan of the comb right now so usually a ponytail is all I can manage.
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| Bronwyn’s Pretty Face! |
Now Aeralind…. oh, Aeralind is just a mess! She’ll sit there for hair styling and let me do the most elaborate things. Yesterday, she got her first set of braided pigtails. And this is what happened less than 10 minutes later
This is what always happens. If I can find the hair elastic, she might get it pulled back in a sloppy low ponytail… but otherwise her hair is left however she leaves it. 🙂
