True Beauty

Julia and I are exploring the meaning of Beauty, intersecting Beauty with the word of God, and letting Beauty live in our lives. Inspired by a joint feeling of just not measuring up in the beauty category, we’re tackling some hard questions:

• What is Beauty? And does it reside in me?
• And when my husband says that I’m beautiful, how can I receive those words as truth in a culture that says the opposite?
• What am I going to teach my daughters about Beauty?
• And most importantly, what does the Word of God say about Beauty?

Join us as we converse about a topic that touches the heart of all women.
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Today we’re featuring a guest post from my (Melissa’s) dear friend Sarah.

I met Sarah doing something crazy (probably mattress surfing) in the halls of “Middle Howard”.  She has to-die-for curly hair, is super spunky, she plays the guitar and sings worship songs, and is compassionate enough to cry when others hurt.  She shepherded the hearts of many girls on my dorm hall.

I had the amazing opportunity to serve with Sarah at a Christian girl’s camp.  Normally, we only crossed paths at the pool where she life guarded while I worked as a counselor and high ropes instructor.  But one week some other counselors needed a break and Sarah and I were paired together in a cabin to work with a teen camp.  There may have been a silly interlude of “Señor Navel” visiting our teens… but the only ‘evidence’ is a headless slightly blurry picture… hardly verifiable in a court of law as anything other than circumstantial evidence.

But in all seriousness, that week as teen counselors stretched and grew both of us immensely.  We dealt with some of our own fears of beauty as reflected through the eyes of young girls barely starting high school.  We pleaded with a young girl who had already sought her worth in the eyes (and hands) of a man twice her tender age of 15.  We stayed up late talking about the hard things and trying to process how to serve these girls and who we were becoming in Christ.  And we gave one another many reality checks that week: some brisk edifying “Snap out of it and serve these girls.” and some “God made you beautiful and that’s the truth.”

Since camp, God has taken Sarah on a long road.  She married prior to finishing school to a guy who appeared to love the Lord and doted on her.  She became unexpectedly pregnant with a sweet girl named Emma who has milk allergies, is gluten-free, and has Asperger syndrome (a syndrome low on the autism spectrum).  After a couple years of marriage, Sarah had to be strong enough to endure a biblical divorce and become a single working mom.  A few years later the Lord brought back an old friend who loved Him to love her.  They’ve been married for almost 2 years now and are daily striving to serve each other and Him to the best of their grace-reliant resources.

Through it all, Sarah’s attitude has only become more gracious as she learned endurance and joy through the difficult paths she’s walked.  Oh, Sarah, I am so blessed to call you friend and wish we could visit more often.

Ya know, there are many people in the world that seemingly have it all together and also have everything all together in a nice house. They look great, are really “cool”, have friends with class, big-important jobs, and money. I’ve honestly been struggling with the “looking great” (i.e. perfect body) aspect of all of this for about two years. Now don’t get me wrong, many of you know I’m trying to eat healthier and make better choices in food and exercise and that’s fine and dandy. 

But when my heart is set on the goal of perfect, tan, skinny, American wife and mom I lose sight of what’s truly important. I begin to not just keep a healthy biblical goal of eating healthy but lose integrity and forget about the truth of Christ’s love that really matters. 

Yep, it’s bold to say that, and might sound extreme but that’s honestly and truthfully what we lose when we strive to be like the world!

True integrity, doesn’t come with perfection, in any form, or jean size! In fact, Christ tells us to cease striving and to lean on Him for help. So why do I continue to desire to look like the world when I’m only here visiting? And not just in my clothes size but in longing for bigger and better things such as money and home.

Friends, we are living in a modern day Babylon. I’m learning, in my new Bible study in Sunday School (Daniel by Beth Moore), the the parallels between the ancient and very worldly Babylon are actually very, very similar to today’s world. The book of Daniel is the best example to explore these truths. Our class has only gotten as far as chapter one, in which Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah stand up to the chief guard and request to eat clean healthy foods vs. the king’s food.

But, in this modern day world, why do we seek worldly beauty and choices over true beauty and Biblical truths?! Why don’t we stand up to the chief of all lies and say we’re standing in truth and requesting to seek to be like Christ not that tan blonde with the size 4 pants?!I’ve got a new mind set, sweet friends. Time to seek some more Jesus and less of myself. Will you join me?

“For whoever would save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for my sake and the gospel’s will save it.”
Mark 8:34-36

Do keep in mind that it’s okay to eat healthy and stay at your height proportioned weight. That’s taking care of your body that God gave you and there’s nothing wrong with that. But let’s aim even higher and set our sights on walking in truth, God’s word. Let’s stand on that more than a scale, dressing room floor, a “cool” but bad scene or Satan’s pretty little lies of deception.

Let me leave you with a humorous reality check I was dealt, lovingly, a few nights ago. My sister and best friend is a realist to the max and I love that about her. She’s always had a good head on her shoulders and heart in her chest. She knows how much I greatly desire the best for my family, but sometimes I get over exhausted in the perfection of spotless carpeting and sparkling dishes. So here’s what she did: she rearranged Emma’s doll house to reflect the humorous truth about a home.

Julia and I are exploring the meaning of Beauty, intersecting Beauty with the word of God, and letting Beauty live in our lives. Inspired by a joint feeling of just not measuring up in the beauty category, we’re tackling some hard questions:

• What is Beauty? And does it reside in me?
• And when my husband says that I’m beautiful, how can I receive those words as truth in a culture that says the opposite?
• What am I going to teach my daughters about Beauty?
• And most importantly, what does the Word of God say about Beauty?

Join us as we converse about a topic that touches the heart of all women.
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Julia and I are starting to feel that we’ve covered most everything we set out to cover from the beginning, not exhaustively by any means.  However, we’ve done the best we can with our God-given abilities.

But we’re not sure this is finished.

Why?

Because there are millions of women on this planet all with their own experiences and God-granted insights on beauty.

Today I’m going to feature one of them, but first I wanted to ask you, beautiful readers, if you would like to contribute to our conversation.

Have the truths in this series changed the way you’ve thought about yourself or beauty in general?

Did we miss something important that you’d like to cover?

Do you have older girls than ours and want to give us few tips on parenting daughters who embody and know what true beauty is?

Are you a husband or father (I know there are a few of you who drop by… don’t be shy!) who wants to say something to the wives and daughters?

If so, we want to hear your thoughts.  Please drop us a line through either a comment or an email (you can find our emails on our blogger profiles) and let us know that you have a new perspective on this conversation.  We’ll be honored to feature you.

Now, let’s hear a little from my friend Jen.

I’ve known Jen since our junior year in college.  My roommate and I had moved in and so had most of the other new students, but our transfer student from San Diego had not arrived.  We were all anticipating her arrival.  Seriously, how did a sophisticated city girl from the west coast end up at a tiny Christian college in the foothills of South Carolina?

After hearing that very question approximately 4 million times, quirky Jen began to respond with: “I stood with my back to a map of the US and I threw a dart.  Where ever it landed I looked for the closest school!”
Her humor and gentle care won over the whole dorm.  Soon she was ringleader for mattress surfing in the hallways, and had encouraged all the girls to open shops in their room with their hidden talents.  Jen served up coffee, hot cocoa, laughter, and honest conversation in her dorm room.  And not much has changed in all the years I’ve known her.

Jen and her future husband Abel in 2005

She may have married sweet Abel the woodsman,  she may have traveled the world, and she may be suffering from a mysterious neurological disorder that leaves her thoughts scattered and sometimes irretrievable– but when you’re with Jen you feel like you’re the only thing that matters to her and that your conversation is the most important thing in her life.
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Continue reading over here on Julia’s blog.

Julia and I are exploring the meaning of Beauty, intersecting Beauty with the word of God, and letting Beauty live in our lives. Inspired by a joint feeling of just not measuring up in the beauty category, we’re tackling some hard questions:

• What is Beauty? And does it reside in me?
• And when my husband says that I’m beautiful, how can I receive those words as truth in a culture that says the opposite?
• What am I going to teach my daughters about Beauty?
• And most importantly, what does the Word of God say about Beauty?

Join us as we converse about a topic that touches the heart of all women.
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Dear Melissa,

This week I read this post from Kendra at Miracle of the Moment. She talks about what it means and what it would look like for her family to “be okay”, and here’s some of what she came up with:

• to see her children grow well into adulthood
• for her marriage to thrive
• for her children’s marriages to thrive
• for her children to be good spouses and parents
• for her children to love Jesus
• good health
• to have enough money

So, this morning, as I remembered it was Friday. I thought about Kendra’s post in terms of beauty.

If you took the time to pop over and read it, which I would encourage everyone to do, she vulnerably admits that worrying about all of that, when none of it is promised to us, denotes a lack of faith in God’s perfect plan for her family.

When I found out I was having two girls, I worried. I worried I would fail to teach them to have a healthy body image. That I wouldn’t be able to strike the perfect balance between inner and outer beauty, and somehow mess them up. I feared that one day, they would be on some talk show host’s couch spilling their guts about all the things I missed the mark on, and how they will forever be scarred.

Silly, really, but there it is. I tend to “catastrophize” my life. I tend to forget that God’s got my back, and he’ll help me figure it out–this whole parenting girls things.

So, I guess I have list too. Things I want my daughters to know about beauty:

• Jesus knit them together; they are fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:13-14)
• The very image of God lies within them.
• The same amount of God is in everyone.
• Beauty isn’t just about appearance.
• Living to glorify God is more important than what you look like.
• Surrounding yourself with positive images, words and music is important.
• You are beautiful just the way you are.
• It is good to know how to groom and care for your body in a healthy, modest way.

What have I missed?

What have we missed through this series? Love to hear your thoughts.

Julia and I are exploring the meaning of Beauty, intersecting Beauty with the word of God, and letting Beauty live in our lives. Inspired by a joint feeling of just not measuring up in the beauty category, we’re tackling some hard questions:

• What is Beauty? And does it reside in me?
• And when my husband says that I’m beautiful, how can I receive those words as truth in a culture that says the opposite?
• What am I going to teach my daughters about Beauty?
• And most importantly, what does the Word of God say about Beauty?

Join us as we converse about a topic that touches the heart of all women.
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Dear Julia,

My girls have an obsession with Goodnight Moon.

It’s not what you’d expect.  They’re not excited about seeing the moon or the cow jumping over the moon.  Not even the kittens who they’ll meow for are the reason this book is so dearly loved.

As soon as they hear me say “And a bowl full of mush…”, both girls are holding little fingers to their wide open mouth in joyful anticipation.  They’re waiting for the moment when they can say “Hush!”

I feel hushed.

I’ve felt this way for a couple weeks now.  I guess you can feel that a little from the my Living the Truth post and the silence on my blog.

Who am I (so fallible, so prideful, so weak!) to sit and write or speak of anything holy?

Who am I to have been invited into His Story?

And the Accuser darts in to make me feel guilty for this time of hush, for speaking what I can’t manage to live, or even for putting myself out there at all.  “Retreat!” he cries and perhaps I listen too often to the wrong voice.  I find myself quickly buried under an avalanche of perceived expectations, failures, and criticism.

And there’s only one way to get out from underneath an avalanche of this size.
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Read the rest of this post over at Julia’s.