Writing

There are days when the fear reaches out like a lion on the prowl.  It tries to swallow me up in one big bite.

Fear of what my friends think of my next biggest scheme.  Fear if anybody would come over if I invited them.  Fear that I am messing up my children up.  Fear that I am wasting my one life.

But fear is just the uncomfortable place between staying where you are and birthing a new thing.

It’s late one afternoon when I submit an application to be on Holley’s “Dream Team.”  I submit that application with a fleece-like prayer:  Lord, if you want me to pursue photography next year, to pursue one session a month, then let me be accepted.

I was afraid to be accepted.  I was afraid to stay unaccepted.  But I pressed submit and leaned in to stay near Him.  To see what holy wild he would call me to or ask me to stay within.

The email came on a Wednesday.  The quiet yes.  The beckoning to go.  To pursue.  To leave the place I am now and explore the new place.  To walk into the unknown with fear as my companion, but faith in Him as my guide.

I click the shutter and smile.  Apprehensive of what the next year holds, but too excited to stay in the same place.