Mar
27
2013The floor has been vacuumed and the dish and clothes washer loaded. Cloth diapers have been returned to their home. Some clean clothing found its drawers. A bird feeder was painted shades of blue and red by very serious little girls. Sick baby boy tears have been soothed. Two meals were fixed, eaten, and cleaned. Twenty row of a sweater sleeve were knit while three adorable rascals dug, climbed, and soaked in the glorious, but chilly sunshine. I’ve managed to tape together and modify my pattern for my Easter dress. It’s nap and rest time, and I finally get a moment to myself.
Let me confess: my camera battery has been dead for about 9 days.
My everyday is filled with the holy calling of three little lives and my handsome husband. A task both so mundane it brings me to frustrated tears and so big, so beyond me that I can hardly breath under the weight of it all.
I spend 15 minutes here and 20 there tapping keys or clicking the shutter desperately trying to use this one life to fill the calling to show beauty in the midst of everyday mess. And the God who gives that calling, He provides plenty of everyday mess to give me the opportunity to do just that in my very own life.
Like that moment where I pulled that little girl to my side and breathed the grace that she doesn’t have to be perfect because Jesus was perfect for her already. Or the moment where a different little girl was climbing all over me and I snapped at her just wanting a moment of peace after working so hard to tidy our messy space. Or that moment where the little boy, sick again, burst into tears at my feet wanting his nap prematurely and I was able to hold his small body close. Or how I fought back bitterness toward my hard working husband with the gospel as I loaded the dishes and cleaned up the mess from yesterday’s trip.
I have plenty of beautiful-messes and ugly-beautiful in my life. And all of it is grace. All of it is the road Jesus uses to guide me deeper into Him. Uses to make me more like Him. Uses to bring me to the end of my prideful self so that He can file me with His Life and power to live the dream He’s called me to fulfill.
The life of a God-sized dreamer isn’t easy, but every moment writes His story.
Linking up with Holley.
Mar
21
2013Sometimes I feel so small.
Who am I to think that I can change the world through images and words?
I’m just one person. The same person who asked her kids to “Just stop talking to me,” this morning and who right now wants nothing more than a few minutes of peace. The baby is crying in the next room; I shouldn’t have let him have a morning nap despite his stayed-up-too-late crankiness.
I’m weary and I’m squeezing in a few minutes of writing before the afternoon explodes around my ears. I really just want to lie down myself. Lie down and ignore the calling.
Why do I think I can change the world (or even be a catalyst for change in one heart)?
The doubts plague me.
I bet they plague you, too. You know that voice that says you’re a failure as you get angry for having to discipline a young one for the hundredth time. Or reminds you that you can’t even get places on time with all three kids alive when you agree to write for a deadline. Or the voice that tells you there’s no one in the audience clapping… no, not one person, so you might as well pack up the whole mess and go home.
Yeah, that voice speaks to me, too.
Let me tell you a secret: Any voice that devalues your worth is not the voice of God.
The God who stretched out his hands on a tree to show you how much you were worth to him will not tear you down even as you fall again into sin and ‘failure’. No, Jesus will wipe away your tears, ask you why you looked at the wind and the waves, and beckon you quietly to keep walking with Him in obedience.
I am small. My audience of readers/clients here is very small. But my real audience of One, He sits front row and quietly smiling to encourage me to keep doing what he made me to do. Even when the rest of the voices in the audience are boo-hissing about this failure or that inadequacy or this sin problem or that very real limitation.
The God of the Universe, He delights in using the small foolish things in this world to confound the large powerful ones. And I find joy most of all in this little phrase: “But God.”
So I’ll insert this phrase whenever I hear one of those voices devaluing my worth.
“Melissa, you’re a mess. You just yelled at your kids, how could you ever be used to speak to another mom?”
But God. He can use me. He can raise the dead things from my life for His glory.
“Melissa, that image sucks. You should have opened the aperture up to get everyone in focus better.”
But God. He used this image to help me grow. And the family loved it anyhow through His Grace.
“Melissa, you ought to just stop writing. Stop tapping time from your family and home. No one ever comments anyhow.”
But God, has called me to this work. Not just the work of writing and photographing… but the work of obedience. Because without obedience, all “but God’s” are impossible. Besides, the only “well done” I need is His.
Would you try with me, friends? Would you try to seek the joy in your calling by telling those doubting, criticizing voices what the sovereign God of the universe is capable of? Because really what greater joy is there in seeing a dead lifeless heart like mine transformed by the active words “But God.”
For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 1 Cor. 1:26-29
But God chose and called you and me in our weakness so that we might not boast in our own value. It is because of our weakness that God can use us. Because when we are weak, we know our only hope, our only value is in His abiding love. And that is where real joy in any endeavor lies.
Mar
13
2013I come upstairs from tossing the last of five sets of sheets in the washer to find the youngest of the three tossing his cookies (the figurative ones) right there in the high chair. Last night the wildest sleeper of the three had taken over our bed (and soiled two sets of sheets). The other twin had paid in 30 hours of not being able to keep in liquid and 48 hours of little food. My morning had started with the littlest one and I in the shower trying hard to wash away the sickly stench. I had to call Derek home from work so I could catch enough sleep to be able to handle the sick trio with sanity. He’s gone now while I clean up the baby and get them all down for naps.
Motherhood is far from glamorous. In fact, on days like this I might just want to pack up and run away. Oh, but what is puke if everything I have is grace? Grace. Puke is grace. But how?
I stop tapping at the keys a minute here while the three sleep and spend time in prayer with a bottle of diluted bleach over a high chair and my table. It’s not easy to see puke as grace. It’s not easy to choose gratitude over bitterness. Nothing worth doing is easy.
The table though cleaned with bleach still bears blue and yellow marks. And I am the same. This roiling boiling cauldron of selfishness and discontent and frustration seething just under the surface.
“But God!” Peter had preached these words just two weeks ago.
But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved— and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus. Ephesians 2:4-7
Puke is grace because it shows me how much I need Jesus. How ugly and messy I am without the saving power of grace. How ugly and mess I am when I refuse to see even puke as the grace pointing toward the proudly self-sufficient heart beating violently within.
This messy smelly puke it is grace because it points me to Him. To “the immeasureable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.” To that place of blissful surrender that says the plans I have are not the ones that He has for me and His plans are in fact better for my own good.
Sometimes I need to be brought low to the reality of earthly motherhood so I can recognized the beauty of the perfect heavenly Father. So I can recognize just how much He loves me in all my filthy sin-soaked sheets and awake to the reality that He died to wash those sheets clean.
And, right here in this moment, puke contemplation gives me the grace to see what true love does. So I wrap the soiled clothes and rags in a towel and carry them down to the now finished washing machine. It’s time to be washed clean again.
Mar
06
2013I’ve been serving on Holley’s God-sized dream team for three months now. But let me tell you, really it’s Holley and all the other beautiful dreamers who have served me. We have this private Facebook group and each day there are hundreds of inspiring posts to read and women speaking really truth into each others’ hearts. It’s been an incredible journey both taking my small steps to my dream and walking arm and arm with these amazing ladies.
Holley’s book launched this week. You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has for You
. It’s a small part of Holley’s dream which is to encourage the hearts of women. It’s like all the fullness of our little Facebook group poured out on you too.
I don’t want you to over look this post and think: “I don’t have any God-sized dreams.” Within the introduction Holley defines a God-sized dream as “wanting more of what God has for you.” So welcome to the club, fellow God-sized dreamer. Let me know in the comments what you think God might have for you (just knowing and serving him is a God-sized dream!)
My dream at the beginning of my God-sized dream journey was to have 12 paid client sessions this year. It wasn’t a very big dream… but it’s not very small either. It’s evolved and grown over the past 12 weeks and each little step of obedience toward his call only bring joy-even if the step is hard. I’ve had one paid client and two sessions that I gifted friends (and they’ll be visiting the blog soon!) There’s been obstacles and I’m sure there will be more, but one thing I’m certain of: I wouldn’t dare to pursue this dream if I didn’t have confidence that it is God who does the work both in and through me. Having a slew of God-sized dreamers encouraging me along the way sure helps, too!
My favorite image from my last session of my friend Karen and one of her God-sized dreams: Baby Zan. 🙂
What I’m enjoying most about Holley’s book is how it brings lofty dream ideas down to the level of an over coffee pow wow with your dearest girlfriend. Holley has this rare gift of seeing the whole picture but breaking it down into manageable steps of simple obedience. I need that perspective.
I’ve been sneaking chapters in during quiet moments around the house on my new-to-me Ipad and I can’t wait to read more. Would you join me?
Starting on Tuesday next week Holley is doing chapter by chapter writing prompts to help us grow toward our God-sized dream. She’s inviting everyone to come join. Pray about participation, pray about your dreams, order the book, and jump right in. Let me know if you do, I’d love to encourage you in your dreaming any way I can 🙂
Mar
05
2013Hey, you.
The one washing spit up rags and taking out the diaper pail trash for the third time this week.
And you too, the one hopping in your car to spend 9 long hours working in a dead end job while at the same time wishing you could be home with the ones you support.
Or you, fearless teen, who wears her bright red lipstick and natural hair color proudly even with that nagging feeling that you might be the only authentic one in the bunch.
Or you, mom of teens who takes naps midday to be ready when your young ones are ready to talk at quarter past your bedtime.
Or you, empty nester, reconnecting with your husband while courageously facing your too quiet house.
Hey, there ordinary person. The kind that doesn’t seem notable. The kind who feels overlooked. The kind who feels like no one understands you.
I understand you. I know that you go through the daily motions with courage. But I also know that it takes you even more courage to dream. And more courage than that to set aside time to take that one step toward that dream: your holy calling to pursue more of what God has for you.
But, dreamer, as you pursue that extra ordinary I don’t want you to miss right now. The beautiful mess of your day to day living. Because these moments now: they’re part of your holy calling to pursue more of what God has for you right now. These quiet few moments stolen here for me tapping out words while watching a Carolina Wren frolic on the obnoxiously purple plastic play set are a gift. A gift for me to soak up who God is: beauty in the midst of my own chaos. A gift for you to open and be encouraged that this day to day right now sort of mess matters just as much as pursuing your dream.
We can’t hit pause on everything in our life and just run wild toward our dream. And that’s okay. God intentionally uses the day to day beautiful mess to refine us for the day to day pursuit of that small corner of our dream. We need this crazy right now, these seemingly unexplained obstacles to prune us for the dream moments to come.
Soak in these everyday moments (even the hard ones), dreamer friend, and know that God is creating new things in you for His glory.
