Jul
03
2013Hey there fellow wives! My name is Sarah.
I’m 28 years old, mother to two little ones (Emma is 7 and the other one is still in utero) and wife to my hunk of burnin’ love, Lee!
I’ll start my topic with a story. I’m good with those.
A few days ago I sent my dear friend Melissa an email stating this:
“Hey I haven’t formed much thought past lay still and don’t vomit. Having a rough time starting my blog post for wives.”
Her, as always, kind response (I’m laughing because we both struggle with kindly responding to many things sometimes hahaha) was this:
“You’ve got a whole other 2 weeks minus two days. I think you can manage. Use a pen and paper and just write here and there… How can you love Lee unconditionally while worshiping the porcelain god?… Pray and see what comes. I really think you’ll be able to do this… and I really think this is a good time/topic for you: even though it feels hard…. I’ll be happy to take it as late as Tuesday. And I know you’re the straight A super lady who held down a job/internship/school. This is easy stuff in that way… but hard stuff in the heart arena. You need hard stuff in the heart arena. It keeps us on our knees… Hang in there. I’m praying for you.“
The words “You need hart stuff in the heart arena. It keeps us on our knees (and not just worshiping the porcelain god). Hang in there. I’m praying for you.” resonated in my heart only to be smothered by nausea and the desire to sit and not move so I wouldn’t vomit. I made it to the kitchen to grab a little bit of juice, get Emma on her next task for the morning, and sit in the family room/dining room/whatever you want to call it.
Then, in walks my sweet husband. The reason why my heart still gets butterflies and often the reason why I smile through my tears (because he’s absolutely and ridiculously wonderful). He’s also often the reason why my patience is tested in the morning and why I’m often late to things. No one’s perfect. We try to go with the flow. However, sometimes going with the flow isn’t always that easy.
So, there I was, not wanting to move and I hear Lee ask “Would you like to do your amazing and loving husband a huge favor?”
I literally cringed and not so lovingly gave a very sarcastic “Sure.”
He bravely responds, “Can you iron my clothes?” (He was running late again)
What my heart didn’t do in this moment was say YES! A chance to respond in unconditional love like the Lord has been teaching me! It did this:
“Yes.” (It was not a polite yes)
Lee gives a sound of frustration and walks off.
And I respond with another win!
“You should’ve woken up on time! Don’t make me feel bad because you’re running late.”
Yep. I cringe again. But this time, at myself. Ugh! That was NOT how that was supposed to go! I knew I blew it.
However, I felt the Lord draw near as He so very often does when I screw up because He’s pretty amazing at encouraging us when we don’t get it right. Why? Because His love is (say it with me now) UNCONDITIONAL.
So, I get determined to do the best freakin’ ironing job I’ve ever done!!! Because when we mess up our first instinct is to DO better right? We tend to focus a LOT on doing as wives and mothers.
Then I hear, “Can I have a glass of water?”
I look at Emma and her big blue eyes and literally almost respond with: does it look like I can get you a glass of water while I’m trying to iron? However, I’ve had a little more time being her Mom than being Lee’s wife so I’m a tad bit more used to swallowing my pride and responding with kindness.
I’m able to muster a very controlled response of “Mommy is busy and will get you water as soon as she can.”
Thank the Lord Emma responded with, “Okay.” And walks off to create more chaos with my Mom’s sweet pup that we were watching that week.
I then get back to ironing (and yes this story does have a point). When Lee comes in to get his clothes I, without making eye contact (because I’m thoroughly embarrassed at how I handled the situation), kindly apologize to him and he apologizes to me. We then look at each other at different moments and stifle a laugh because we both know we both messed up that morning and smile because we still love each other very much.
It’s truly moments like that, that make my heart beat harder for him.
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Unconditional love.
That is my topic.
It doesn’t come easy to me. Life has been hard for me since the age of three and I’ve been through a lot. In a quick nut shell, living through childhood abuse and realizing later in life that your parents desperately tried to hold you together while you fell apart during recovery is how I learned my first lesson in unconditional love. My parents, quite simply, love me. A lot! Recovering as a single parent after my heart was almost irrecoverably broken during my first marriage from Emma’s father un-repentantly
Let me say that again because this is key to everything.
His love. is ALWAYS. unconditional. He is a loving father to His children, and those truths hold my core together.
Unconditional love.
How do we show this in a marriage?
Let’s get personal. How do I show this in my marriage?
I show it only when I’m gazing up at my Father, knowing I’m a sinner saved by HIS grace ALONE and am filled by HIS love which pours out as love to my husband.
I am not perfect. You are not perfect. Let’s get very excited to hear that no wife is perfect. If a wife is aiming to be perfect……they’ve failed. You’ve lost your focus on Christ and re-centered it on self performance.
Rejoice!
Yes, your failure is good news because it means you need a Savior and if you have a relationship with Jesus then you have a Savior. THAT’S EXCITING NEWS!!!! YOU HAAAAAAAAAVE AAAAAAAAAA SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVIOR!!!!! YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE PERFECT!!!!! YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT HIS PERFECT LOVE FOR YOU!!!
You and I have to look at Jesus and let the truth of HIS love sink into your very broken and often recovering soul and rejoice.
Sounds easy. It’s not. Because like my morning in the story, we all have mornings where we don’t show unconditional love. Because yes, we do want it to be all about ourselves. Because we’re imperfect. Because we’re sinners. Because we need a Savior.
But rejoice.
Because there is One.
Jul
01
2013I’m so excited to announce that I will be offering a bimonthly newsletter. This newsletter has exclusive content including notes of encouragement to moms, favorite recipes, local events, nuggets of wisdom I’ve learned, and exclusive offers for you. If you’re expecting, there’s a special 7 week series just for you with practical things like what to cook when food makes you nauseous, where to shop for your nursery, and where to sign up for you birth classes.
I hope it will be a useful resource for you. For those who sign up, I’m offering a free copy of my brand new e-book to help you prepare your family and home for baby.
Sign up to recieve my newsletter (and your free ebook!) below.
Jun
26
2013Danielle is here this week helping us learn to build up our homes instead of tear them down. I’m so excited about how she paints a picture of who we should trust in most.
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Hi, my name is Danielle. I am 34 years old, been married for 12 years, and have 4 children, 6, 4, 3, and 1.
I’ve been pondering the task that Melissa has set before me – to pick one area of marriage that I need to work on and then report back my findings. Well, the one thing that keeps coming to mind is this over arching theme of trust. I’ve been mulling over in my mind what this means and how I can apply it to my marriage.
So, let’s take some time together. Grab a steaming cup of coffee and join me on the couch. Lord willing, if you stick with me, there will be some growth in this for both of us.
Trust is a funny thing. Over time it can be built up or it can come crashing down in an instant. There are times when I find that I don’t trust that man of mine. That tall, ruggedly handsome, jack-of-all trades. Why do I let the fear taint the everyday? Why is it that when he gives me a fantastic gift the first thing that runs through my mind is ‘Why, what has he done?’ Not, amazing gratitude. Why is it that when he offers to help someone carry signage away from the picnic pavilion, I see him helping a beautiful women, who obviously isn’t carrying around the marks of giving birth to 4 children in 5 years, instead of just helping someone in need. I question his motives.
This lack of trust curls around my heart and wafts through almost every area of my life. Does he know what he is doing with our finances, why hasn’t he fixed the house yet, is it really best to let the kids have those suckers…
This lack of trust in the man that God has given me, is it really a lack of trust in God? For me, in the end, it is.
A verse that keeps running through my mind is Proverbs 3:5, 6. If you’ve grown up in Christian circles, then you will have memorized this when you were 3 and can recite it backwards and forwards while doing a handstand. It is amazingly deep, but sometimes with familiarity, comes forgetfulness.
But, if you aren’t familiar with the verse, here it is:
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
6 In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.(emphasis added) Proverbs 3:5,6
You might be wondering why I’m starting out with a verse about trusting God and not about my husband. But I think that unless I’m truly trusting in the Father, I can’t completely trust my husband.
God is always faithful – ALWAYS. There is never a time when He is not. I thought that it might be a good idea to look up the word ‘faithful’ and see what it really meant. On my search, I found that the word ‘faithfulness‘ is often paired with the phrase ‘steadfast love’. Well, what does that mean? So off again to the dictionary to see what exactly ‘steadfast’ means. Most of us know what the connotation of the these two words are but maybe not the denotation. ‘Steadfast’ means ‘fixed’ or ‘unwavering’. And, ‘faithfulness’ means ‘true to one’s promises’.
So God’s love is unwavering and He always keeps His promises.
When I look at my love for my husband in this light, I realize that I fail on a daily basis. Now I know that this article is supposed to be about me trusting him and his love for me, blah, blah, but I’m finding that God is using this to call me out on the sin in my own heart. How many times have I wavered in my love for my husband and how many times have I not been true to my promise?
Now that this has come to light, I want you, if you’re willing, to walk part of this path with me. Over the next month, instead of doubting our husbands, let’s look into our own hearts and see where we are doubting God, and where we could improve on being steadfast and faithful. Beware, fear is going to take hold, pride too, and will try to get our focus onto what (we think) our husbands are doing wrong. But know this, I’m praying for you, and more importantly, we have an Advocate with the Father who is interceding for us right now.
Jun
21
2013Those of you who know me well, know that I don’t cry often. My entire MOPS table with tears streaming down their faces broke into laughter over me… the lone wolf of 10 with no tears after a particularly moving session. I was moved and convicted just as they were, but those emotions don’t always connect with my tear ducts. Usually only anger or that ever present beast of perfectionism cause me tears. Occasionally tears of repentance fall. But stories (mostly) don’t make me cry.
Not yesterday.
Shaun Groves had my children asking me “What’s wrong, mama? Why you cry?” I hug them a little tighter. I can’t imagine choosing between giving them up and watching them not be fed because I couldn’t provide.
And it was this post that had me doubled over in tears. These words about orphan prevention from a father who has adopted and loved an orphan for 2 years. And today they break me again.
As much as I love my son I wish Compassion had been in his neighborhood when he was eighteen months old, when his seizures started. Malnutrition so ravaged his little mind that his mother kissed him goodbye one morning, wrapped him in a blanket and – because of love – gave him the life she couldn’t afford to provide.
If Compassion had been there, sure, I would have missed out on being his dad, but he would be tucked into bed tonight by a mother who has his face. And she would smile his smile when he laughs.
Sponsoring a child saves families. It’s orphan prevention. It’s giving boys and girls best.
I have a heart for orphans and, if the Lord wills, one day there will be one living in our house and laughing and crying and creating a whole new sort of Aldrich chaos. And we will be grateful to the Lord who placed that child in our care and I will be heartbroken for that desperate mama who chose to give her baby up for the sort of life that she was not able to provide.
But I have never thought of the work that we do with Delsys as orphan prevention. These letters we write, that $38 saved each month from saying no to two little girls begging to go out to eat every night, it keeps Delsys in a family. In a home, with people who love her, look like her, and would give her up to give a chance to live her dreams. That is holy work.
Do you have a heart for orphans? Please sponsor a child and be a part of the orphan prevention movement at Compassion.
Jun
20
2013
Toddlerhood with a boy is different than the girls.
When the girls were about 2 we tried to teach them how to play chase. They just ran toward us and snuggled. Sedryn was born to play chase. He only started walking just days shy of 16 months and the first thing he did was ‘run’ from his sisters who were clapping and cheering him on.
Sedryn’s version of smelling a flower (or ‘bower’ as he calls it) is to stuff his whole nose in the flower and blow his nose as hard as he can.
Sedryn brings me plucked clover flowers and captured stink bugs with equal amounts of over the top enthusiasm.
Sedryn helped me disassemble his crib by using his own Allen wrench and pulling all the little screws out of the crib.
Sedryn doesn’t mind when his sisters dump a whole bucket of mud right on top of his head.
Yet, while Sedryn is full of boyish personality, he’s also a very sensitive soul. He cries when he’s disciplined. He has a slower rate of disobedience than the girls. He stops to look at you when you call his name. He almost bursts into tears as I scream “NO!” when he pulls three tomato plants clear out of the ground after seeing his sisters accidentally pull out two bean plants while picking beans.
Strangest of all: Sedryn has been sleeping in a big boy bed for about two weeks now and has only gotten out of his bed 2-3 times first thing in the morning. That was NOT the case with his sisters :-p
But the thing I love most about Sedryn is his heart for service. He’s been handing me the silverware out of the dishwasher and saying “ank oo!” for four months now. He’s even started stacking and bringing me plates now that he’s stronger. He clears the table and puts dishes into the sink without being asked. He collects my cell phone wherever I leave it and brings it to me. He wants to help and he finds a way to do it.
Service is a gift that I hope God keeps growing in you, Sedryn, because it’s truly beautiful to watch.
