Jul
17
2013
It’s Wednesday here at Quiet Graces and that means today is the day where wives are digging in to the dirt in our own marriage and, with God’s grace, growing it better wives. Today I’m writing a bit about my most recent struggle with words.
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There’s a part of humility that scares me: the part where I let down my walls and let you (or my husband) right down into my mess. It’s not so much anymore that I really care what people think. Although before 3 children in 25 months, my level of humility was always outweighed by my people pleasing perfectionism. But after living in that tough season, I know showing you my mess encourages you in yours.
The truth is sometimes I don’t like sharing my mess because it holds me accountable to growth.
This last month as I lived and worked out my focus on words, I had a a number of failings that all boil down to two things (Which I’ll tell you in at the end. Enjoy the suspense!)
My husband’s job has recently begun to require travel. He’s been gone for 10+ working days in the last 3 or so months. This last trip was hard. He was scheduled to leave early Sunday and I was counting on having Saturday to just lay around and recharge. My husband walks in the house on Friday at 4:30, rather unexpectedly, and informs me he’ll be leaving at 6 am on Saturday.
I flipped my lid. I flew off the handle. I boiled over. I was madder than a hornet’s nest. You can pick your metaphor: but I was filthy angry.
Really? Who can be mad at this innocent face?
I yelled (and in front of the kids, too. Yikes!). I might have repeated that sequence a couple of different times. I might have sequestered myself in a room for a bit. I pulled it together still simmering for a family dinner out. But I had a client expecting me that evening. I was still seething on the way home from the ordering session. I had to call a friend (actually I went through three before I could find the one the Lord needed me to talk to) just to calm down enough to be semi-reasonable.
Here’s the deal: part of my anger was righteous. My husband had made a decision without consulting me (though he had tried to text me, but I didn’t get my phone) that hurt both me and my little ones by taking him away for a whole extra day.
My angry vomit of words, however, was not righteous. I’m pretty sure that Jesus knows the best discipline for me is often utter failure. (<—Click to Tweet) I learn more from tripping over my own mess than a lifetime of someone telling me to clean up already.
Derek’s trip this last time was to Oregon. He got to see 60 new life birds including that last warbler in his Eastern birds book (for a lifelong birder in 2-3 days: that’s a big deal). He saw the Pacific Ocean. He got to go out to eat on the company for 3 meals a day and make some new friends. He came home and told me (and anyone who would listen) all about his trip.
Do you see where this is going? Yeah, I’m jealous. I don’t get a paid vacation to an exotic locale, away from my children, and all by my introverted self ever. Never happened for me. And really, it’s not all that likely to happen.
I was pretty angry about this injustice. But this time the Lord was gracious. Rather than vomiting words all over Derek, I called Julia whose husband also travels. I asked her how she deals with the jealousy. I cried a bunch about my ugly heart.
When there was an opportunity, I asked Derek to please stop telling me about his trip. I told him that jealousy was rearing it’s ugly head and I needed him to protect me from my own filthy heart.
You ever notice how that is music to your husband’s ears? Say it sometime: “Honey, I need you to protect me from…” Just a little side note. That one is free; you’ll thank me later.
But do you see what my Jesus did in my heart? Do you see how He changed me in just over two weeks of living? I went from a woman who flew off the handle in a sinful way over something that I had a right to be angry for (but not a right to treat him in that manner) to a woman who called someone before spewing angry words to work through my own sinful mess before calmly telling my husband what I needed.
That first incident resulted in this scripture proving true of me:
Do you see a man who is hasty in his words?
There is more hope for a fool than for him.
Proverbs 29:20
That second scenario kind of had this feeling on both sides:
A word fitly spoken
is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.Proverbs 25:11
Isn’t it amazing the way that He works in us? Now, I’m not saying I’ve got this word thing down. I”m sure today and tomorrow and the next I will fail again and again and again. But I am saying, that I’m kinda startled at my reaction in this second scenario. Was that person who spoke calmly and rationally to my husband really me? Yes… through the power of Christ working through me… I have changed a little. Moved just a little closer to who He created me to be.
Now back to my little cliff-hanger. What do these two word incidents have in common? Anger and discontent. So ladies, that’s where I’m digging in over the next four weeks while Elizabeth, Danielle, Sarah, and Julia treat you with their words and growth.
Tell me: where do you struggle with anger and discontent in marriage? Do you have any words of advice for me as I embark on this new journey?
Jul
15
2013Refining my Focus
I’ve been clicking camera shutters and tapping at the keys here at Quiet Graces for four years now. I never intended to start a business in that season with two 9 month old girls. I simply gifted a friend with an album of her yearly Easter gathering and then she asked me to do family portraits, and then another friend asked me to do portraits, and then two people who I barely knew on Facebook asked me how much I charged.
The God-sized dream of my 16 year old heart just fell in my lap and I didn’t even think the time was right.
I’ve made a lot of mistakes in these first four years; yet the Lord has given me the most gracious and merciful clients who have walked with me through these learning experiences. I’m so grateful for each one of you who has allowed me the privilege of capturing your lives.
Back in January, I wrote about how I need to say “no” to some things in order to pursue the things I need to say “yes” to. One of those things was limiting my business to just 2-3 sessions a month so that I can focus on my family. For those of you who don’t know, my primary calling is to be a stay at home mom. I have three precious children 3 years of age and under and I spend my days loving and learning with/from them. I have regular “office hours” during nap/quiet time. I sometimes work an hour or two in the evenings after the kids are in bed to finish editing a session. I often blog in the fringe hours.
My children are my most important calling.
So the first change that I need to make to this business is stop doing lifestyle family sessions in this season of my children’s childhood. I love doing these sessions. I love laughing as dad tickles his child or as mom whispers soothing words in a child’s ears. I love seeing water fights or mothers teach children to bake grandma’s recipe. I love documenting real life as it occurs. But regular family sessions aren’t fair to my children. They take mommy away at dinner and bed times and fill my already busy evenings.
For the time being, I will be focusing my business solely on Maternity, Birth, Newborn, and One Year Sessions.
I will, however, offer opportunities for lifestyle family mini-sessions that will include full resolution digital negatives in both the spring and fall of each year. These mini-sessions will only have 4 open slots. If mini-sessions are something you’re interested in, please subscribe to my newsletter here to be the first to know the dates of those events. And if you’re not local, but love my work or my writing, sign up for the newsletter, too! I’ll be featuring much more than just dates and specials in these bimonthly newsletters.
Price Changes
My second announcement is a pricing change.
My business has been what most would call a “hobby business.” A business where I pull in just enough money to cover the products I’ve supplied for my clients, purchase new or much needed gear and just few newborn props (or the supplies to hand make them), an occasional learning experience for me to improve my art, and to pay the sweet babysitters who watch my children so I can photograph yours.
I have never once cut myself a paycheck.
If I had forgone some of my purchases and given myself a paycheck, I might have been able to pay myself $5 an hour. I take a well lit and exposed straight out of the camera shot like these two and turn it into a piece of art for clients. There’s hours of work involved in that process for all of a client’s images and I love doing it. I love even more when my clients value the resulting images.
But, again, I do my work at the expense of taking time away from my family. And it’s time to start rewarding myself and my family with a paycheck that would allow our family to afford things like gymnastics, a weekend trip to the beach, or the simple blessing of being able to sponsor another Compassion child or two. These are things that we’re not able to do on my husbands salary at this time despite his ample provision for all our daily needs.
The artist in me rebels against price changes in the same way that you as a client must feel reading this. I create art from your life simply to capture the glory of God, but it’s also a means that God has provided for our family to make some extra income. I will be transparent enough to say that outside of the expense of running a business (business license, insurance, sales tax, federal taxes, used but new to me gear when required, editing software, cost of client products, studio samples, and the occasional education experience), my goal for the next 12 months is to bring home just $7000 in take-home pay while still maintaining my commitment to take only 3 sessions a month.
Summary of Price Changes
My new pricing will go into affect on July 15th, 2013 (that’s today!). If you’ve already booked a session with me that falls after that date, rest assured that nothing will change for you. However, if you’d like to apply your session fee toward the purchase of one of my new packages, please let me know!
Your session fee of $250 will be required to secure your session date and $150 of that amount will be applied to order your chosen products (with the exception of birth/welcome home sessions)
My goal as an artist is to create a piece of art that your family will treasure. I want to see you enjoying my art on your wall or a stunning album on your coffee table. I want your guests to look through and exclaim over your beautiful stories and I want your piece of art to inspire you to verbally tell these stories to your children. When I have a camera in my hand, this is always my desired outcome. Yet I know that clients want digital files for making scrapbooks or albums or gifting small prints to the grandparents or for birth announcements or Christmas cards.
When I designed each of my 4 collections, I kept both of these end goals in mind: you will have a a beautiful piece of art of your choosing and a selection of digital files with a print release. The products I’ve selected to offer make my heart sing: they’re simply gorgeous. I can’t wait to share them with you in the coming weeks!
A more detailed look at my session pricing can be found on my Investment Page. If you’d like to see my detailed Pricing Magazine, please Contact Me.
Thank you all for your grace as I work through these changes. I’ve been so blessed by the most wonderful clients I could have asked for.
Jul
12
2013My husband’s work recently added travel so I’ve been doing a lot of solo parenting. Whew! This is hard stuff. So I thought I’d share some encouraging links here for me to come back to and you to enjoy.
Maybe I’ll do this sort of thing every week because we all need a little encouragement in our everyday beautiful mess.
Parenting in Weakness
I think I need to hear this everyday. By far one of my best reads all week long!
Motherhood is the loving vessel through which God seeks to highlight his sufficiency and ability, and grow your sense of his faithfulness because of his pure and sinless life, his provision on the cross, and his substitution of your dead end with his new beginning.
6 Stories Every Mom Should Tell
I love stories… but I often forget to tell them to my children. The only one the girls know on this list is their birth story. This will inspire you to tell a story rather than listening to cries of “Are we there yet?” on your summer journeys.
5 Ways to Awaken your Dreams for Motherhood
I’ve been on this God-sized dream journey for over a half year now… but what if I were dreaming bigger dreams for my children?
When they Ask you What You Did Today
For those everyday sort of days when you find the dishes all over the counter, the laundry piled taller than your tallest child, and the toys in all the rooms of the house: this is what you did today.
Embracing Motherhood. Perfection in the Imperfection.
So instead of thinking you are behind or not measuring up or making excuses for your hair being in a ponytail as you quick run to the grocery store for milk and bread – hold your head high. It’s that real part of you. The part under the layers. The real, raw beautiful part that so often gets lost in the busy that isn’t imperfect but is truly perfect.
Jul
10
2013My dear friend Julia is here today writing about what I hoped none of these girls would be brave enough to tackle. Mainly because my heart is that selfish… and I don’t want to change. This post and a couple books I’m reading are starting to soften this hard heart. I hope it softens all of your hearts too.
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As a mama of a six-month-old and two three year olds, I am in a season of life that leaves me just bone-tired.
I love the way Steve Weins describes this level of tired,
Ragged, how-am-I-going-to-make-it-to-the-end-of-the-day, eyes-burning exhausted.
Nailed it, right?
I don’t know how you make it through days like this. I, pretty much function on coffee, prayer, and the hope that schedules will align, and just maybe (please, please, please-with-a-cherry-
By eight, most nights, all three girls are in bed—we might come to the 8:00 bedtime limping and barely hanging on, but we get there. Then, Brad and I enjoy a bit of time together before we head to bed.
So. Here’s the scene:
Teeth freshly brushed, face washed, comfy pajamas on, lights off, head nestled into my pillow, eyelids heavy, soon to be asleep—when it happens—my husband speaks into the quiet darkness of our room, asking for some “couple time”. (Click to Tweet this little cliffhanger line.)
I reel, because I was halfway asleep, and being jerked back awake when I am oh-so-tired is jarring. My head spins with:
Say what? Are you freaking kidding me?? (Only, maybe I don’t use the word “freaking”) Doesn’t he know how tired I am?? And Ruby will be awake in a hour or two—doesn’t he realize that I need sleep! What a selfish jerk!
What I actually respond with is way worse:
All day long the girls have wanted a piece of me—my time, my energy, my milk—I have given all of myself, and you’re just One.More.Thing….wanting. You’re just not on my to-do list.
Ouch!
Yeah. Not pretty. A glimpse into my ugly, albeit, weary heart.
When God created man and woman and gave them the gift of sex, it was beautiful:
…and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed. (Genesis 2:24b-25)
That kind of love and vulnerability is indeed a good gift.
(I’m a closet science nerd) Did you know that there are only two other mammals that have sex for pleasure?
The dolphin and the bonobo. Don’t know what a bonobo is? Neither did I.
So cute, right?
So, since we’re one of three mammals on the planet who enjoy sex, it’s special. A gift.
Speaking of other animals, do you know what the next verse says?
Now, the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the Lord had made. (Genesis 3:1)
If you keep reading, the serpent tempts Adam and Eve, they munch on an apple, and sin enters the world.
God designed marriage to be the closest, most important relationship we have here on Earth. It’s no mistake that just after describing the beauty of physical intimacy with our spouse, the serpent enters the story.
When sin entered the world, that snake coiled around marriage and sex and oneness—and made a relationship that was complete and full into something that we have to claw and fight to find joy in—sometimes.
My response when my husband asked for “couple time”? Those words were full of slippery, slimy snaky-ness.
I described my Love, the person closest to me on this planet, as grocery item to be checked off a list—and this day, he didn’t even make it on my list. I put everything else ahead of the one who is supposed to fall in line right below God.
So….
What to do.
I’m still super-tired. With that sin-snake comes babies who don’t sleep, and toddlers who test boundaries Every.Waking.Second.
But.
I am trying (claw and fight, right?) to be intentional with my husband. To go to bed earlier. To say yes. To love him well in this bone-weary, sleep-deprived season of life.
Join me in the fight?
Because he’s important.
Because this oneness thing is a gift to be enjoyed.
Because “couple time” is an important part of a healthy marriage.
And, I really, really, hate snakes.
(Love those bonobos though!)
Jul
03
2013
Elizabeth, who was here just two weeks ago posting on Serving our Husbands, is writing this ridiculously exciting series call Spark Moms. It’s the child project of a book proposal she’s right in the middle of drafting.
If you’re a mom whose heart soars at the idea of pulling out watercolors, clicking the camera shutter, bringing pen to paper, baking the perfect cookie, or finding a beautiful way to do just about anything, then this series is for and about you.
As a part of this project, she interviews moms who are pursuing creativity. I’m beyond blessed to be her interviewee this week! Click over here to read our interview.
