It’s Wednesday here at Quiet Graces and that means today is the day where wives are digging in to the dirt in our own marriage and, with God’s grace, growing to be better wives. Today Chelle is visiting from Treat Me to A Feast.

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An excellent wife is the crown of her husband, but she who brings shame is like rottenness in his bones. Proverbs 12:4 (ESV)

We’ve been married 20 years. He truly is the love of my life, and Lord, You know, I do everything I can to be a good and loving Christian wife, all Proverbs 31 and such. Friends and family have often heard me say, “absolutely, I’m an obedient wife….particularly when it suits my purposes.” On this particular day, obedience was easy.

I’d bragged to my husband this morning about a tip I discovered online for DIY laundry detergent. I was all excited and ready to make it, but, then my “spidey sense” tingled and I thought I better let him know. (Thank God for a spidey sense, female intuition, it’s all a Word from the Lord…call it what you will). I have a houseful of people with allergies and sensitivities, so I’m constantly seeking out opportunities to stay close to natural, save money, and still efficiently get things done well. I even listed the all-natural, good old fashioned ingredients (two already in my pantry) to my Dearly Beloved; he wasn’t.

Here I am, trying to do the right, thrifty, good for you, frugal (did I mention that?) thing. Are you ready? Dearly Beloved says “baby, buy the Tide.”

We have an high efficiency (HE) washer, a lovely splurge purchased a few years ago when the washer and dryer that came with the house died. We did our research. I looked for something compact, efficient, and

inexpensive, but I am thankful as is so often the case for my husband, who is a “measure twice, cut once” kind of man. His guidance was to look for the most richly feature packed, efficient, compact set I could find that I liked (I chose a Kenmore set in blue, my favoritecolor), under the theory that we buy the best we can afford thereby avoiding the need to replace those units for a good 15-25 years.. Covering my bases, I’d even researchedindependently whether DIY detergent was HE washer friendly….there are special, lowsudsing detergents sold for HE washers….regular soap will ruin them, leading to expensive repairs (I had a friend live through that nightmare….that was a lesson I could learn from).

Undeterred by my diligence, my darling husband said he’d pay for Tide over a visit from the Kenmore man. Here’s my praise report in obedience…I smiled and said “okay…yes, dear.”

I kissed him on the nose and he left for the office. Over. Done.

I was having a conversation with my BFF yesterday about not taking things personally. As women (wives, mothers, friends, professionals, etc.) it must be the way we’re wired. I’m sure that there was a time in my life when I’d have felt the need to defend my position, not very curious) just wasn’t my hill to die on that morning. It wasn’t that important. I’m not suggesting that you make a habit of capitulating, but rather that you pick your battles, and learn, in the interest of a long, happy, and mutually satisfying marriage, that you don’t always have to be right. Or, and hold on to your seats here, because it’s about to get radical, you may actually be right, but you don’t have to have the last word.

Is it more important to be right than to be at peace?

My blessing? On that day I lived my day as a Happy Wife, rejoicing in my happy place. It’s a good place to be, because as you probably know, your happy place keeps moving. Staying in Joy, living in Grace is a movable target. It requires diligent prayer, constant striving, and more humility some days than you might believe you have available.

Can you think of a time when you got it right? If so, what lesson can you take away for the next time you are challenged? Is there a situation that you’ve handled poorly? If so, pray over it. Make amends, be accountable for your shortcomings, and then, seek out your husband to let him know you’re going to do better.

And now, because today has so far been a good day, I’m off to bask in my happy place, while I know where it is….and with that, I say, stay under construction, Godly wives. What you’re building is worth it.

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A little about Chelle

Growing up in the Baptist church a fourth generation preacher’s kid, Chelle Wilson married an Anglican. She boldly seeks God, and thanks her Dad for releasing her from denominationalism, instead encouraging her to embrace Theology and chase Truth. While she is a fiercely private person, she enjoys two public worship forms, liturgical dance and writing.  Dance freed her, providing a language for expression beyond words. Dance is her prayer language. Writing is humbling, sometimes terrifying, but always enlightening. Hers is a quirky but reverent perspective on God and Grace.

She started blogging to replace a big job that went away. Formerly a Human Resources Executive in the entertainment industry, she suddenly became a Stay-At-Home-Mom, not entirely by choice. Writing started as something to do, but evolved into an ongoing journey to draw nigh to The One.  She and her beloved husband have two beautiful children, a gorgeous Boxer, and 20 years of wedded bliss. She maintains a joyous relationship with the Creator, even as she learns difficult lessons while hearing His loving laughter on the wind.

Find her at Treat Me To A Feast:Notes From My Abundant Life, on Twitter at @treatmetoafeast or on Facebook. Chelle is the Director of Community Engagement and a regular contributor at www.CirclesofFaith.org. She also writes regularly for Christ Centered Home Magazine.

 It’s Wednesday here at Quiet Graces and that means today is the day where wives are digging in to the dirt in our own marriage and, with God’s grace, growing to be better wives. Today I’m writing a note of rebuke and encouragement to the strong-willed wives. I can’t believe I wrote this… I’m not sure I want to read it.

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Dear Strong Willed Wife (of whom I am the chief),

You can’t do this on your own.  The reason you feel like you’re doing it all alone in your marriage is likely because you are.  Because you won’t let him help. And worst yet, you likely won’t ask for what you need, instead believing the lie that he should read your mind.  Speak up.  Ask for what you need.  Odds are pretty good he’s just been waiting to step in a rescue you from distress, when you’re ready to let him.

And while we’re talking about how you can’t do this by yourself, I want you to hear this, too. You can’t always have your way. His way might be better than yours… but it might not.  Either way you’re going to have to ask yourself: is this worth the fight in the end or can I surrender here to his wants?

A continual dripping on a rainy day
and a quarrelsome wife are alike;
to restrain her is to restrain the wind
or to grasp oil in one’s right hand. Proverbs 27:15-16

That’s us.  Do you want to be a continual dripping on a rainy day (with three toddlers climbing the wall and shrieking in your house)?  I thought not.

Let’s resolve together to count our husbands as more important than the cause we’re championing.

Submission is freedom. It’s not a curse.  It’s a bowing of your strong will to another so that you can enjoy your relationships.  Strong willed wife, submission might also be a a place to help you grow in godliness.  After all Jesus hubled himself and “did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men.  And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. (Philippians 2:6-8)”

Maybe humbling ourselves is the best thing we can do for our marriage.

What else have you learned being a strong willed wife?  How can we encourage each other toward godliness?

Working through this all with you,

Melissa (Chief Sinner of the Strong-Willed Wives)