Oct
01
2013
I’m spending each day here in the month of October writing about finding beauty in the everyday mess. Before you think I’m an expert on this topic, let me confess: I’ve likely already lost my temper, prayed that I could have a solo vacation, and held back frustrated tears this morning. I’m far from having this mastered. I’m writing here transparently so that you and I might grow in seeking His daily extravagant beauty. So pull up a chair and get ready to dive into the mess with me, knowing that somewhere in this mess is a beauty that only God can craft.
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The sun is hardly over the horizon as I sit here to type. Just a few rays of it are falling gently on the preschooler painted bird feeder. It’s empty and begging to be filled.
I look at that bird feeder and I see myself.
That large part of me that wants to be filled. The part of me that would like to wear a nice new shirt more than 3 times before it’s stained forever. The part of me that wants to be pretty or well liked or hired. The part of me that wishes I could write better or keep my desk clean or keep all those objects I lose from being lost. The part of me that wants more obedient children or a husband who listens to my dreams. The part of me that cries.
When I’m empty like that bird feeder, my heart is begging for more.
My heart was made for more. But just like a high heeled shoe would look silly inside the bird feeder, none of those things will fill me properly. A bird feeder was meant to hold seed and I was meant to hold seed too: the growing and change producing seed of the Word of God.
Becoming content where I am with my stained shirt and my screaming toddler carried on my hip football style isn’t a matter of filling my world with new circumstances. I’d still be an empty bird feeder in a different tree. New circumstances will not satisfy an empty heart: only the love of God through his Word will fill it.
The mess transforms to beauty only when we dip down and drink of Christ. When we bow before Him begging: “I can’t see the beauty here. I’m poured out and empty serving here. I’m wanting more. Fill me with more of you so that I can see the beauty you’re creating in and around me.”
What feels like a personal crucifixion is the Lord working redemption in us. Redemption requires us to bow low and to beg to be filled:
Only dead and empty things need the redemption of a filling with God’s words to treasure this one beautiful messy life.
Bow low with me? Beg Him to help you see the beauty He’s weaving right here, right now in this messy one life we’ve been given.
Sep
30
2013Half an hour ago I removed a dead chipmunk from my patio table where my daughters had “rescued” him and proceeded to continue coloring.
I can’t make up these things if I tried!
Did I mention this was the third dead rodent the terrible trio of my gifting cat and curious girls have surprised me with in the past three weeks? At least this last one didn’t make it into the house.
Needless to say there’s a large quantity of everyday mess at my house. Yelling Mama, stinky diapers, unkindness, bloody noses, cheerios on the floor, masses of selfishness, dirty breakfast dishes still piled high on the table, and a dead chipmunk–> and all those in the last half hour alone.
For the next 31 days I’ll be writing about seeing the beauty in these everyday messes. How in the busyness, in the chaos, in the laughter, in the tears, and all the dead chipmunks that God leaves at our doorsteps, we can still seek to see the beautiful grace the God gives right here. Right now.
Won’t you follow along? I’d love to hear about how you see beauty in your mess.
Below are all the posts in the series.
Day1: Wanting to Be Filled
Day 2: When You’re Drowning in Laundry
Day 3: When You Feel Like You’re the Only One
Day 4: When You Need Someone to Lean On
Day 5: When You Want to Give Up
Day 6: Let Go of Perfection
Day 7: Not by Faith
Day 8: Don’t Rush Through the Waiting
Day 9: Simply Confessing the Mess
Day 10: When it’s Time to Take a Break
Day 11: Open Your Hands to Receive
Day 12: When You Ask for Help
Day 13: The Little Things
Day 14: When We Fail
Day 15: When You Can’t Seem To Make Order from the Chaos
Day 16: Beauty from Ashes
Day 17: How to Hit the Reset Button
Day 18: Making Memories
Day 19: You Don’t Have to Enjoy Everyday
Day 20: Our Hope in Glory
Day 21: It’s all a Mess, but God
Day 22: When You Can’t do Anything Right
Day 23: How His Love Empowers
Day 24: Diving In
Day 25: How Beautiful are the Feet
Day 26: When You’re Changed
Day 27: When there is No Rest
Day 28: On Chasing Dreams
Day 29: When Sleep is Short
Day 30: Hospitality in the Mess
Day 31: This One Life
Sep
16
2013I dream about her all last night. And when I awake to the sound of my little boy calling for his daddy, I can still smell her dusty hair. I can still feel the tears on my cheek.
It was a lovely dream. On where I embraced this little girl in her home.
Self-Portrait by Delsys, our Compassion Child
I’ve done a lot of writing about dreams here over the course of the last year. Writing about callings, boundaries, hope, disappointment, and encouraging you to follow those dreams. But when I awake this morning with the feel of her face still warm on my wet cheek, I realize our Delsys has dreams too. Dreams to be a nurse. Dreams to walk out of the slum where she lives and attend school and then come back to her slum and serve.
Dreams are not powerful on their own. Dreams are like my 30lb little boy with his hands on a 15lb dumbell straining to lift it. And all dreams need three things to come to fruition.
- Dreams need a sovereign God who creates that dream right into the fiber of His children. A God who looks at who he made each person and calls gently: “Love Me. Love others. And pursue this dream. This dream is one of the ways you can glorify Me best.” And each dream will take each person on many different trails (joy, sadness, hopefulness) all to bring the living God glory and grow us to be more like Him.
- Dreams need the shoulders of the church to help us carry their weight. Every dreamer need encouragement and since every person was made to live a dream: all people need to be encouraged. Therefore, we should all be encouragers. We should all seek for ways to reach out our hands and whisper: “I can help you there. And I believe in you.” It’s not secret that I think sponsoring a Compassion child is a tangible way to be a dream encourager.
- Dreams need both hard work and the means to be accomplished. My photography dreams would never happen without a camera, folks who desired images (or who I could bless with them), and my willingness to fail and try again. Children in poverty are often willing to put in more hard work to make a dream happen than we can imagine, but they’ll need someone to make that dream financially possible.
I’m writing again for Compassion International. This organization has changed my dreams and allowed me to encourage a pint sized dreamer named Delsys. I want to photograph children in poverty. I want to kneel down and show them their image on my screen and whisper “You’re beautiful and you’re made by God for beautiful things.” I’m not sure how or even when that dream will come true.
But I do know that in the meantime, I can ask you to partner with me in being a dream cultivator. Please consider Sponsoring a Child, telling them that God made them with dreams, carrying the weight of the dream in encouragement, and giving a child the means (a good meal a day) to accomplish what the Lord created them for.
It’s the dawn of the third week of blog month, and Compassion is daring to dream that 3160 children will be released from poverty. My goal is smaller: I want to see 5 children sponsored this month. We need you to step up. Is God working in your heart? Please don’t delay: Sponsor a Child.
Sep
13
2013I was 9 years old when my mother gave me and my sister cameras. I had broken my arm and we were headed to a local theme park. I took two rolls of film from high in the air, of giant tissue paper flowers, bugs in the grass, and of my sister taking pictures of me. I waited anxiously at the Wal-Mart 1 hour photo thingy for my images to come back.
I was in awe that moments could be captured. With my camera, I could make time stand still.
At 16, two very big things happened to me…..
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I’m posting over at Elizabeth’s today for a Series she’s calling Photography Friday. Come read the rest of this story here.
Sep
11
2013My girls turn 4 today.
I feel like I just wrote a novel with that simple statement. It’s sort of overwhelming.
In fact, it’s so overwhelming that I’m just now coming back to writing this many days later.
This year I have no words. So instead I’ll just write you each little love letters.
Dear Aeralind,
Sweet girl of mine, what you do or make does not have to be perfect to be beautiful.
Monday you nearly cried when you saw your sisters “m” written on the whiteboard. She has better fine motor skills that you do and you couldn’t stand thinking about how yours had barely resembled an “m”. Ballet camp nearly killed you with your teachers constant adjustments of your arms and legs. And today you pouted for 15 minutes because I caught you sucking your thumb for the first time in 5 days (apparently your Malva Stop wore off).
This may be the hardest lesson you will ever learn: nothing you do or say has to be perfect to be beautiful. In fact, there’s ample beauty in the imperfection. Do you hear me? There is beauty in your broken and imperfect attempts, beauty that no one but you is ever capable of creating. Be gentle with yourself and don’t compare who you are and what you are capable of with that never possible standard of perfection (or even the very different person beside you). I pray you’ll learn this early and I will say it to you each day until it sinks in.
Aeralind, I love when you sit right next to me and just talk. Your logic is hysterical and your commentary is well thought out. You’re quiet most of the time, but in those rare one-to-one moments, you just blossom.
I’m proud to be your mama. Keep growing and learning and exploring. Keep trying new things. And most of all keep being imperfect beautiful you.
Love,
Mama
Dear Bronwyn,
Bronnie- girl, you’ve softened this last year. You’re still as strong willed as ever, but you’re beginning to learn how to follow. Today I was trying to teach you to write the letter S. I showed you a couple of times and had you trace and then I asked to help guide one with your hand. You wouldn’t have it. You tried on your own and then said “Now help me.” That first squiggle needed some work, and after a few drawn under a guiding hand, you were able to draw some of your own.
You’re becoming someone capable of thinking about the consequences of your actions. You don’t always think that way, but asking me to help after that first failed squiggle is just one of the new ways you’re able to use this skill. I can watch you thinking through the possible outcomes. I’m so proud of your growth.
You’re still using that strong will to your advantage though. I can watch you make a decision in a second and stick to it. The day the Malva Stop arrived you told me to apply and that you were done sucking your thumb. So I did. After your rest time, you came back upstairs and said “It won’t come off.” I haven’t seen you suck your thumb since. You were ready and you made that decision. It’s amazing to watch.
Lately you’ve been a regular chatterbox. You talk about anything, but your favorite subject of choice is anything regarding why. It’s not just “Why should I do this?” In fact, it’s more often like “Why is it that way? Help me figure it out.” Your curiosity is sometimes overwhelming, but it’s always welcome. You love to learn and I adore watching your eyes light up as things begin to click.
If I could say one thing to encourage you, sweet girl, it would be to keep leading others gently. Think about how they feel, ask their opinions, and create play (or anything else) that draws them in. You have a gift in that strong will of yours and I pray you’ll learn to use it.
Love,
Mama
