Multitude Monday

I was so grateful to experience and complete labor over a beautiful little boy this last week.

Labor and delivery were experiences that I was blessed to have since little Sedryn was a Vaginal Birth after a C-Section. 

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

But if I stayed my heart on breathing in just the grace for the moment at hand and breathing out what thanksgiving I could find, the His power was able to sustain me in my weakness.

And if thanking Him for little graces can sustain me as contractions course through my body… then thanking Him for little graces can sustain me through anything life should bring as I labor towards Home.

Thanking Him for #2388-2416 of the sweet little graces with the power to sustain me in weakness.

• Little girl snuggles on either side of mommy
• Breathin in empowering grace and breathing out Eucharisteo through contractions
• Rochelle (my doula) being so helpf and compassionate over the phone and email
• Derek able to take a sick day when I’d had hardly any sleep
• Finally a couple solid nap chunks of sleep
• Derek keeping such good care of the girls
• Running the girls ragged on the tennis courts with sidewalk chalk and a couple of tennis balls
• Yummy beets in the CSA share
• Knitting taking away some pain through distraction
• weakness for Him to show Himself strong in the midst
• Chatting with Chanwey on Google chat
• Her blessing me with perfect timed encouragement
• Rochelle’s gentle help
• Ruthie going out of her way to care for the girls- I never worried about them once
• Coming home to a freshly mopped floor on top of well cared for daughters
• Debbie, my nurse.  Lord, you know what you were doing when they called her in for me!
• The delivery I wanted in His time.
• A boy!
• A good nursling
• Girls being so sweet to baby
• The most supportive husband ever
• Derek’s gentle new way of encouraging me
• A healing tear
• The sweet smell of a newborn head
• Actually sort of enjoying night feedings alone with the boy… sometimes… when I’m not impatient
• Helpful sisters- sometimes overly so!
• A blessed birth experience
• So many people loving on and praying for us
• Snuggling in the dark with two little girls that daddy had to wake and lift out of cribs before he went to work

I wake up in the night.  It’s probably the fifth trip I’ve made to the restroom since I went to bed 4 hours ago.

Things are not getting easier.

I almost want to complain.

But the truth is my body is working hard with the Creator to make someone new.

I find myself praying as I climb back into bed and rearrange all the pillows to find one comfortable spot.

“Thank You, Lord, the Little One is crazy wiggly.”

“Thank You, Jesus, that Derek will let me stay in bed until it’s time for him to leave.”

“Thank You, that I can’t do this without You… that your strength is made perfect in my weakness.”

And I slowly drift off, counting blessings instead of sheep.

Until the next restroom break and opportunity to give thanks.

2369-2387 things that I can thank Him for… even in the middle of the night.

• “picnic” lunch with my ladies bible study group
• Laughing as my girls think the older boys running around the room are running from them
• Worn out girls
• Spontaneous run to Hobby Lobby
• Hysterical: how much those girls love Hobby Lobby!
• Knitting a newborn photography wrap (or 3 so far…)
• Ruthie watching the girls for my weekly OB appointment
• Finding the girls wearing perfect plastic trash bag smocks and gleefully playing on a chair and step stool in the water fountains
• Only Aunt Ruthie would do such a thing 🙂
• Hearing Aeralind say “Bye, bye, Ruthie!”
• Two word sentences
• Derek staying home for a coup of extra hours while my body once again did a spontaneous colon cleanse
• So much fun at the UMOM fall party at the orchard
• Bronwyn so excited about seeing spiders on the hay ride that she squeaked every time she saw one
• Girl’s picking out their very own ‘pukins!’
• Snuggling with a strangely feverish Bronwyn and reading about her favorite Busy Spider
• Happy Aeralind running around with her daddy in the back yard
• So much yard and housework accomplished by my husband 
• Little girls holding each others’ hands while we pray before meals

She states it slow and steady, “Sometimes we just feel alone…” her eyes glance on mine.
“Don’t look at me!” I cry and reach awkwardly for the tissue box as the dam breaks.

Motherhood is lonely.  Long hours. Little thanks. Constant comparison.

But worse still: the silence.

Women holding in their struggles because we’re all so caught up in perfectionism: the appearance of all things good.

That appearance is enough to make us believe the lie: that we’re alone- uncared for.

It’s the lie we met at the beginning and believed: “Did God really say?”  Is He withholding something from the that I need?  Withholding care.  Withholding friends.  Withholding the prefect marriage and perfectly obedient children that everyone else appears to have.  Is He withholding good things?
_________________________________________________

Two days later the tears have dried.  The truth is slowly beating the lie.

Lacey stands before the room talking about Risk. About the risk of being vulnerable- of sharing reality.

The Risk of breaking that window of perfectionism so that we can see the beauty of Christ growing us refracted in the shards of our truly broken realities.
Counting #2334-2368 of the millions of Good Things God NEVER withholds.

• Grace for the moment
• Diane hugs
• Hormonal tears
• Hugs and snuggles when I pick the girls up from nursery
• Girls playing with and talking about a rubber “‘nake” that grandma found at the lake
• Flower from Ruthie with a sweet encouraging note
• Complicated hairdo for Bronwyn to keep her hair from getting into her runny nose- so cute!

• A super supportive doula
• More applesauce canned
• Apple Cider from Purdue’s
• Painted toes
• Still being able to reach my toes
• Laughing at girl antics
• Bronwyn blowing raspberries to demand I draw an elephant on her doodle pad
• Snuggling on the couch watching TV with Derek
• Listening to the harmonic from little lips
• Lacey challenging us ot Risk
• God’s timing in my heart with her talk
• Praying for Julia when I felt the tug of the Holy Spirit
• Hearing her tell what struggle I prayed with her through
• Risking a little with Mandy. SO glad I did
• Heather over to play
• Girls and Ashton playing with cars
• Two girls insisting on playing in one crib after a nap
• Being informed we were going in our “seat” in the “gar” to the “bark” rather than the afternoon walk I had planned
• Joy in following their plans
• Grace from Derek after we drove a long way to a pumpkin festival and I was too weak and contract-y to walk the mile or so to the fair ground
• Girls young enough not to be disappointed by a giant pumpkin house.  They didn’t notice the difference between that an a field of pumpkins
• Free kids meals at IHOP after 4 🙂
• Resting in bed an hour and a half after the rest of the house woke up
• Laughter as girls climbed all over daddy
• Laughing at little girl antics- running around with clear buckets on their heads
• Weakness
• Strength made perfect in weakness
• Apple Butter and cream cheese cookie sandwiches
• An extra day with Derek
• Aeralind bouncing in an inflatable at a festival- un-phased by kids two times her size knocking her over

• Little girls playing in a pool of bubbles

• Bronwyn listening when we told her that continuing to rub her eye would just get more soap in it.
• Aeralind holding sister’s hand unprompted as Bronwyn blinks back soap tears in the car seat

I can’t tell you how glad I am that it’s finally October.  September was amazing and chock full of blessings.  But it was busy busy busy!   My family came Labor day weekend. Julia and her family were here Labor Day Week. The following weekend was the girls birthday party. The next week was filled with all the necessary doctors appointments (OB, Well Checks).  Then, Derek’s parents stopped in for the weekend before moving on to Georgia.  Derek worked a crazy week of overtime while his boss was out of town.  Then Derek’s parents returned for most of the last week in September.  Meanwhile, I’m trying to finish a nursery, edit a twin newborn session, and sleep when Little One lets me!

October came in slow meandering across the evening like the cold front that brought it in.

And we have soaked it up.
Picking apples.

Drinking hot cider and chocolate.
Canning apple sauce, butter, and jams.
Snuggling under covers.
Enjoying the back yard.
And mostly just wondering at how big, adorable, and suddenly talkative these girls have become over the course of the last month.

I am so blessed.
I can’t wait to see what the rest of October brings.
Counting the bounty from a crazy September: 2304-2333 of the thousands of gifts He gives.

• Girls sleeping until 8:30 after a long night for mommy
• Not throwing up this time
• Aeralind climbing out of the crib on her own (after sleep sack removal and with my permission) to join ill mommy in hte bathroom
• Aeralind lifting my shirt to kiss my tummy when I said it hurt
• Bronwyn bringing cups from the kitchen
• First sheet fort on a rainy day
• Bronwyn’s sense of order-making me tie on Cricket’s Scarf
• Crazy long nap for ehausted momma
• Catydid on the window at night
• Mandy putting so much heart and effort into my shower!  I felt so valued
• Laughter at Katie and Chanwey’s stories at the shower
• Being surrounded by people I love and love me
• Deck stained
• Aeralind conduction a zoo trip “Bye bye, gibbons”, “Bye bye, ‘eopards.” and marching on!
• Full sentences!! Finally (even if they are hard to understand!
• Finding out my kids aren’t the only ones who think home improvement stores are a playground
• Snuggling with Bronwyn after an epic face plant
• Best pie cruste I’ve ever made
• Sleeping in until 8:30
• Photographing Sarah’s twins
• Beautiful babies
• Enough money in net profits to order a macro lens 🙂
• Bronwyn begging to snuggle with mommy in the morning
• Family snuggles and the cold front that makes it possible
• Learning new PSE skills
• The joy of the girls playing in their new Rock Box
• The simple pleasure of hearing the girls rejoice over a cupcake or bird or elephant no matter how badly drawn on their doodle pads
• Just enough fabric leftover to sew a changing pad cover
• Generous shower gifts
• A slow Sunday after a month of chaos
• Cool weather making sleep easier
• Apple Picking, Eating, and Riding in Wagons.

My fingers tap keys slow.

I am weary.

I am weak.

We’ve been fighting a blessedly minor cold for about 5 days now.  Mommy’s been down too.

My in-laws were here for a bit and what little energy I had left was drained.

Sweet Aeralind is having emotional breakdowns at the lunch table and I can’t yet discern if it’s a discipline issue or her own outburst of exhaustion.

My stomach is stretched and filled and my joints are sore in the carrying.  I’ve never carried a baby longer than this and am having trouble fathoming the next month or so.

All day long my silent or verbal prayer is: Please give me grace for this moment.

And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”  Therefore, I will boast all the more greatly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10

Counting slowly and in weakness the 2267 – 2303 graces that He has provided.

• Coming to end of myself and begging constantly for the grace to make it through this next moment
• Aeralind lying across my sore back as I crouch on the floor
• Exhausted pregnant and post-nasal drip body keeping up, by grace, with crazy toddler twins (who barely slow down for sickness!)
• Finally fixing my leaking tire
• A good stretch of sleep despite numerous wakings
• Girls able to put their shoes back on
• Laughter
• A Derek clean kitchen
• Nice lady at Publix who stopped her car to tell me “You nave is so adorable!”  Always appreciated after a bazillion negative “You, are you going to have your hands full soon!” comments.
• Talking to the mother of 50 year old identical girls in the Publix checkout line.
• Being able to bless Andy and Rachelle with hand-me-downs
• Aeralind starting to eat again- she must be feeling better
• The three of us drinking EmergenC “tea” from teacups
• Making scones with the girls for Auntie Jenn
• Visiting with Jenn.  It’s always like no time has passed and very deep
• “Tea” and scones with Jenn
• Laughing as girls perfectly poured water in tea cups but kept forgetting to quit pouring when the cup was full.
• Bronwyn thinking long and hard about whether to disobey me and go to the front yard
• Her making the right choice
• Sleep sacks requested before each nap
• Aeralind’s sweet good-by hugs for Jenn
• “Physco” baby’s near constant movement and apparent head down positioning
• So many new words daily
• Homemade roasted pepper, Parmesan, and, olive oil wit a touch of rosemary pest- so good!
• The surprising yumminess of Kale Chips
• Publix yogurt
• Hunting down rags that the girls used to clean walls, windows, and each other
• Aeralind smearling oatmeal in her hair and grinning proud
• Colds weathered well
• Quiet moring with Derek’s mom
• Girls loving on Granpa
• Reverse dinner- ice cream for appetizer
• Yummy dinner when finally completed
• Early momma bedtime and full night of sleep
• Spending Birthday money on yummy fabric to make the girls winter dresses
• Crazy girls crawling under bolts of fabric steering and joyfully squealing about their “Gar!” (car)
• Aeralind turning to climb successfully down from the changing table and repeating me perfectly as I called her a “Pyscho Wiggle”  Hysterical.