Mar
21
2013Sometimes I feel so small.
Who am I to think that I can change the world through images and words?
I’m just one person. The same person who asked her kids to “Just stop talking to me,” this morning and who right now wants nothing more than a few minutes of peace. The baby is crying in the next room; I shouldn’t have let him have a morning nap despite his stayed-up-too-late crankiness.
I’m weary and I’m squeezing in a few minutes of writing before the afternoon explodes around my ears. I really just want to lie down myself. Lie down and ignore the calling.
Why do I think I can change the world (or even be a catalyst for change in one heart)?
The doubts plague me.
I bet they plague you, too. You know that voice that says you’re a failure as you get angry for having to discipline a young one for the hundredth time. Or reminds you that you can’t even get places on time with all three kids alive when you agree to write for a deadline. Or the voice that tells you there’s no one in the audience clapping… no, not one person, so you might as well pack up the whole mess and go home.
Yeah, that voice speaks to me, too.
Let me tell you a secret: Any voice that devalues your worth is not the voice of God.
The God who stretched out his hands on a tree to show you how much you were worth to him will not tear you down even as you fall again into sin and ‘failure’. No, Jesus will wipe away your tears, ask you why you looked at the wind and the waves, and beckon you quietly to keep walking with Him in obedience.
I am small. My audience of readers/clients here is very small. But my real audience of One, He sits front row and quietly smiling to encourage me to keep doing what he made me to do. Even when the rest of the voices in the audience are boo-hissing about this failure or that inadequacy or this sin problem or that very real limitation.
The God of the Universe, He delights in using the small foolish things in this world to confound the large powerful ones. And I find joy most of all in this little phrase: “But God.”
So I’ll insert this phrase whenever I hear one of those voices devaluing my worth.
“Melissa, you’re a mess. You just yelled at your kids, how could you ever be used to speak to another mom?”
But God. He can use me. He can raise the dead things from my life for His glory.
“Melissa, that image sucks. You should have opened the aperture up to get everyone in focus better.”
But God. He used this image to help me grow. And the family loved it anyhow through His Grace.
“Melissa, you ought to just stop writing. Stop tapping time from your family and home. No one ever comments anyhow.”
But God, has called me to this work. Not just the work of writing and photographing… but the work of obedience. Because without obedience, all “but God’s” are impossible. Besides, the only “well done” I need is His.
Would you try with me, friends? Would you try to seek the joy in your calling by telling those doubting, criticizing voices what the sovereign God of the universe is capable of? Because really what greater joy is there in seeing a dead lifeless heart like mine transformed by the active words “But God.”
For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. 1 Cor. 1:26-29
But God chose and called you and me in our weakness so that we might not boast in our own value. It is because of our weakness that God can use us. Because when we are weak, we know our only hope, our only value is in His abiding love. And that is where real joy in any endeavor lies.
Mar
06
2013I’ve been serving on Holley’s God-sized dream team for three months now. But let me tell you, really it’s Holley and all the other beautiful dreamers who have served me. We have this private Facebook group and each day there are hundreds of inspiring posts to read and women speaking really truth into each others’ hearts. It’s been an incredible journey both taking my small steps to my dream and walking arm and arm with these amazing ladies.
Holley’s book launched this week. You’re Made for a God-Sized Dream: Opening the Door to All God Has for You
. It’s a small part of Holley’s dream which is to encourage the hearts of women. It’s like all the fullness of our little Facebook group poured out on you too.
I don’t want you to over look this post and think: “I don’t have any God-sized dreams.” Within the introduction Holley defines a God-sized dream as “wanting more of what God has for you.” So welcome to the club, fellow God-sized dreamer. Let me know in the comments what you think God might have for you (just knowing and serving him is a God-sized dream!)
My dream at the beginning of my God-sized dream journey was to have 12 paid client sessions this year. It wasn’t a very big dream… but it’s not very small either. It’s evolved and grown over the past 12 weeks and each little step of obedience toward his call only bring joy-even if the step is hard. I’ve had one paid client and two sessions that I gifted friends (and they’ll be visiting the blog soon!) There’s been obstacles and I’m sure there will be more, but one thing I’m certain of: I wouldn’t dare to pursue this dream if I didn’t have confidence that it is God who does the work both in and through me. Having a slew of God-sized dreamers encouraging me along the way sure helps, too!
My favorite image from my last session of my friend Karen and one of her God-sized dreams: Baby Zan. 🙂
What I’m enjoying most about Holley’s book is how it brings lofty dream ideas down to the level of an over coffee pow wow with your dearest girlfriend. Holley has this rare gift of seeing the whole picture but breaking it down into manageable steps of simple obedience. I need that perspective.
I’ve been sneaking chapters in during quiet moments around the house on my new-to-me Ipad and I can’t wait to read more. Would you join me?
Starting on Tuesday next week Holley is doing chapter by chapter writing prompts to help us grow toward our God-sized dream. She’s inviting everyone to come join. Pray about participation, pray about your dreams, order the book, and jump right in. Let me know if you do, I’d love to encourage you in your dreaming any way I can 🙂
Mar
05
2013Hey, you.
The one washing spit up rags and taking out the diaper pail trash for the third time this week.
And you too, the one hopping in your car to spend 9 long hours working in a dead end job while at the same time wishing you could be home with the ones you support.
Or you, fearless teen, who wears her bright red lipstick and natural hair color proudly even with that nagging feeling that you might be the only authentic one in the bunch.
Or you, mom of teens who takes naps midday to be ready when your young ones are ready to talk at quarter past your bedtime.
Or you, empty nester, reconnecting with your husband while courageously facing your too quiet house.
Hey, there ordinary person. The kind that doesn’t seem notable. The kind who feels overlooked. The kind who feels like no one understands you.
I understand you. I know that you go through the daily motions with courage. But I also know that it takes you even more courage to dream. And more courage than that to set aside time to take that one step toward that dream: your holy calling to pursue more of what God has for you.
But, dreamer, as you pursue that extra ordinary I don’t want you to miss right now. The beautiful mess of your day to day living. Because these moments now: they’re part of your holy calling to pursue more of what God has for you right now. These quiet few moments stolen here for me tapping out words while watching a Carolina Wren frolic on the obnoxiously purple plastic play set are a gift. A gift for me to soak up who God is: beauty in the midst of my own chaos. A gift for you to open and be encouraged that this day to day right now sort of mess matters just as much as pursuing your dream.
We can’t hit pause on everything in our life and just run wild toward our dream. And that’s okay. God intentionally uses the day to day beautiful mess to refine us for the day to day pursuit of that small corner of our dream. We need this crazy right now, these seemingly unexplained obstacles to prune us for the dream moments to come.
Soak in these everyday moments (even the hard ones), dreamer friend, and know that God is creating new things in you for His glory.
Feb
06
2013I know I’m supposed to write about conquering a fear in the past. And true, showing the God-Sized Dreamers (and you) this picture below of me in my “awkward” stage may have made me giggle about a fear or two in the past.
That’s me on the left… I won’t name my innocent sidekick… she knows who she is 🙂
But the truth is that today is one of those days that the fears are winning.
Today is a day filled with what ifs. Filled with expectations too high and reality not meeting any of them. I’m tired (baby in bed with me randomly last night), hormonal (can this week be done yet?), slightly frustrated, and have no clear view of the path ahead of me. I’d say I’m pretty discouraged at the moment.
But God.
God leads me right here in this book that I facilitate discussion with on Tuesday evenings:
How can we tell whether our efforts at _______ (fill in the blank… although her book has words here) are motivated by reliance on God’s grace or on self trust? How can we know whether we’re trying to obligate God or serve him in gratitude? One way to judge is to consider your reaction when your _______ fail. If you are angry, frustrated, or despairing because you work so hard and they aren’t responding, then you’re working (at least in part) for the wrong reasons. Conversely, if you’re proud when ______ and you get those desired kudos–Oh! Your _____ are so good!–you should suspect your motives. Both pride and despair grow in the self-reliant heart.
Elyse Fitzpatrick in Give Them Grace: Dazzling Your Kids with the Love of Jesus
So there you have it: my learning for today’s day of despair. My self-reliant heart is preventing me from receiving the extravagant grace He has for me in this very moment.
Check your heart. Swim in His grace with me and then lets try again tomorrow.
Jan
23
2013I’ve always been sort of a loner. What can I say, I was the girl who willingly spent 90 minutes alone in a darkroom developing pictures. The girl who wore out a single mattress spring right under where her elbow rested to write in her journals. The girl who cut her finger with her own pocket knife while playing pioneer in the woods alone.
I do alone well. I’m stubborn and I want things my way, and if we’re doing a group project, well, I’ll just do it all thank-you-very-much.
But I can’t do alone well. I’m pretty sure no one can.
God Himself exists in relationship: Father, Spirit, Son. He made us in his image. He made us to crave relationship.
When I am alone, I am weak.
Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:11-12
One February in college my fellow Outdoor Leadership Major, Whitney, suggested we take two never-been-camping-before Hawaiians out into the woods. It was 60 degrees on campus, so we packed up our gear and headed a mere 35 minutes into the mountains.
When we arrived our path was covered with 1-2 inches of snow mostly turned ice. Yet we were there, so we paid for our permit and made the best of it. In middle of the night, I awoke freezing in my 45 degree rated bag on top of that block of ice beneath the tent. I had never been so cold. I listened to the breathing of my tent-mates, all of whom were mere acquaintances.
“We’re all awake aren’t we?” I whispered.
“Yes.”
It was the coldest night of our lives. We rearranged our tent. Spread two sleeping bags underneath all of us and the other two on top. Topped it all off with a pair of silver emergency blankets. Ate our meager provisions of pop tarts and took turns in the middle through the rest of that long cold night.
I’m pretty sure if I hadn’t had tent mates that evening, the ranger would have found me in the morning and taken me to the hospital.
But it’s not just on a foolish camping trip on ice without the right gear that having people around your really matters. I need relationship daily. To spur me on to grow me. To show me sin. To help me change.
For me, this has been especially apparent since the birth of baby #3. I sort of had it under control when the it was just the twins. Sure, there were hard days, but strings of them were rare. Even waddling around 9 months pregnant things were pretty much okay.
Then came Sedryn. Suddenly, I had more babies than hands, limited sleep, a need to sit down and nurse for 20+ minutes every 3 hours, and not many places to go. To top it all off his first few months of life were the dead of winter. My church small group had broken up and we had not hooked up with a new one. I was the new girl in my ladies bible study group and my MOPS group and because of the newborn couldn’t make it to most evening events. And I was a mess. Some days I cried more than the kids did.
And God used this time to humble me. I made calls to friends in tears exclaiming “How do I do this?” in between sobs. I got roped into a new church small group. My MOPS friends became a lifeline. I cried so hard in Ladies Bible Study and left with so many hugs and encouragement.
I couldn’t do it alone. (You can’t do it alone.)
So when Holley (and God) selected me for this God-Sized Dream Team, I immediately told friends (really… that’s not in my nature). But I wanted and Holley asked us to have encouraging friends to be accountable to during our dream season. I have two main ones right now (and I’m sure throughout my season of growth these main supporters will grow and change and evolve and He sees fit).
First, I want you to meet Julia.
That’s Julia with her sweet family when they were here visiting in September 2011. If you’ve hung out here on this blog for awhile, I’m sure you’ve met Julia. We wrote a series on True Beauty together. Julia’s twin girls are a mere 5 months younger than mine and we bonded over those crazy early months of nursing twins on no sleep via our blogs. For about 7 months we just exchanged raising twin baby ideas… and then we got the crazy idea to read a book together over the phone because both of us needed bible study and couldn’t manage to go anywhere consistently with our needy babies! Then, her husband Brad (who is a sarcastic nutcase with a really sweet tender side) surprised Julia with a trip out to meet me right before Sedryn came along.
Julia is now one of three very best friends. She’s not afraid to tell me like it is (ouch). She lets me bounce ideas off of her. Julia thinks very differently than I do and it challenges me to understand different viewpoints. I’m honored that she’s willing to walk through this season (and this life) of God-sized dreaming.
Holley also asked us to ‘buddy’ up with a fellow God-sized Dream Team member. I was lucky enough to pick Laurie.
Laurie is a mom of 4 girls, two adopted from foster care. She’s a life coach and her smile is infectious. Since the two of us have just been paired together, I can’t tell you much about her yet. We’re Skyping together on Friday. My palms are sweating just thinking about it, but at the same time I’m super excited to both learn from her God-sized dream journey and encourage her/receive encouragement from her. It’s going to a wild sweet ride.
How about you? Who supports you on your journey?
